false hopes and lies - there is really no point on trying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, May 12, 2016.

  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Bipolar Disorder in case you dont know, is a disorder that makes you happy and encourages you to try harder and to believe in yourself, just so that after a day, or a week, it will crush you like a bug and take it all from you.
    That is why i think its the worst disease on the planet, imagine to fall in love, and then have your heart broken, imagine visiting haven, and fall back to hell shortly after, that is Bipolar Disorder.

    So, after 12 years that i lived with it, i finally figured it all out.
    There is no point on trying, no point to fight, no point to hope, no point to do anything at all,
    because it tricks you to think you are making progress, and then it crushes you again.

    Any progress i made in my life, ended in a massive failure
    im 31 and im nothing, im ashamed of myself, i ashamed of looking others in the eye, im ashamed of my job,
    im uneducated, poor, and lonely.

    I tried 1000 different pills, and shrinks, and healthy diets, and sports, its all useless, there is only one solution
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm really sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds horrible, and I'm sorry you feel so hopeless.

    I know you have tried a lot, but I can only urge you to keep trying, there has to be something that soothes you, and who knows what science comes up with?

    If you are ashamed of your job, could you search for a new? Being 31 doesn't stop you from getting an education if you want to, often, especially if you're older you can get an education in a way that is much better suited for you and your mental troubles...
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I like what Phantom says about continuing to try. Including looking for a new job and going to school. You can get a lot of degrees on the Internet. No need to put yourself in a stress classroom situation around a lot of people. I was 50 when I finally got my BA. And many people have been older. Age is no barrier. Please, keep up the battle.
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Please keep fighting the good fight. I know it is challenging and hard and easier said than done. Have you thought about trying to change some things in your life that you hate? And maybe talking with your therapist about your self image and trying to work on that? 31 is still young. You have a lot of time left and I hope that things can get back on track with you. Much love.
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    gah, i cant get any education because im poor and stupid and my parents are actively against it,
    i can leave the house and rent flat, but then i wont be able to afford any form of education,
    and in the end it doesn't even meter because im also dumb.

    About the "have you thought about to try and change some things in life that i hate"
    sure im thinking about them every day, like how to change my life into death or something, because i hate my life