Familiar place

[ezi]

So, 8 months after an attempt and back to square one.
Reading other posts makes me feel guilty, I have no physical or mental health problems although my wife does so I can identify with many people on here, life should be all roses.
Unfortunately it's not, drowning in debt, lies, guilt, shame - you name it!!
I will go in a few days, just want one last weekend with my family.
Failed last time because I was found in time, won't make same mistake again. The only good thing is knowing the peace of that final moment, only peace I have had in years, selfishly looking forward to it, worthless failure, what a waste.
I hope to spend a few days encouraging people to find a better way out, add hypocrite to my list of failings!

 

[Sadeyes]

Ezi..have you tried to get help? If things should be Ok and they are not, then they are not...you cannot compare yourself to others...if you are not OK than that is what is important and you deserve care to deal with that...please continue to tell us what is going on, and consider consulting your MD or such...be safe, J

 

[1dayatatime]

There is no reason to feel guilty because these types of thoughts have no rationality. I'm not trying to say I know your situation, but I have felt the weight of trying to carry my family. They were resilient, and ended up carrying me. As hard as that was, I love them all the more for it. You can't compare your situation to another's. Comparing issues is like apples and oranges. They may not be alike, but they still need to be addressed. I'm sorry to tell you, but suicidal thoughts and intents are a mental issue. It's not something to be ashamed of, but it needs to be addressed with help beyond a forum. I sincerely hope for you and your family you can find a way they can be there for you and you can be there for them.

 

[ezi]

Thanks for the replies, and this is where we all differ in opinion.
I guess like all those who have attempted I ended up on a psych ward after recovering, after much discussion and nobody being able to offer an alternative solution it was concluded I was entirely sane and was sent out straight away.
I have spent 8 months trying to find a viable alternative, it is a complex and mostly ridiculous situation, all self inflicted but for good reasons.
I guess we should never judge each other, I am not here for help but maybe can help others for a short while.

 

[1dayatatime]

Sanity is a term meaning you meaningly don't wan't to hurt yourself or others. Sanity means you know exactly what you're doing for good or worse. It doesn't mean there isn't room for help. It is your choice, but take it from first hand experience . Your family will not see it as you escaping burdon or easing their debt due to whatever payout. They'll see it as an aweful, terrible loss of someone they cared for. Work with them and get the help they don't know they can get you so you can recieve the happiness you and they desereve.

 

[1dayatatime]

I meant INsanity, but you get the gist.

 

[1dayatatime]

Ignore that.