I just joined this forum and read through the guidelines but there's so much information that I feel pretty lost and am just going to post a new thread if that's OK. I'm sorry if that's the wrong thing to do or if I'm in the wrong place. Please feel free to correct me about that. Also I should warn anyone who is feeling bad right now that this post would probably fall in the "trigger" category and you probably should stop reading right now. Maybe someone who is feeling better can give me some replies. I have constant depression and daily suicidal impulses. I have several plans in place so I can do it anytime I want to<mod edit CatherineC-methods>. I daydream about killing myself a lot. I've taken a variety of antidepressants and still do. I have a therapist who is very interested in all the bad stuff that's happened in my life, but he doesn't seem to understand that repeating all that stuff makes me feel worse, not better. I also have a pretty bad physical illness that will be gradually getting worse over time. Physically I can't work and I have to take 7 different medications every day just to function. They make me so tired that I just want to sleep most of the time. Here's my dilemma. I have a wonderful wife and two fantastic children. I know that they love me, even as miserable as I am. I also believe that suicide is murder and an unpardonable sin. I don't want to go to Hell. But I really want to kill myself. I can't make any sense of this and I feel trapped into continuing a worthless life to not hurt my family and because of my faith. I've given this a lot of thought and it's been about one year now like this. I already know exactly what my doctor, my therapist, and my minister think about my situation. Someone who has been through a similar experience, please give me your advice. Thanks very much.