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Family ethics of suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iron, Dec 29, 2010.

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  1. iron

    iron New Member

    hey everybody.

    I'm not looking for help in dealing with my suicidal feelings, I'm looking to discuss the ethics of suicide regarding one's family.

    I am at a point in my life where I would like to end it, but I feel so much guilt about ruining the last 10 - 20 years of my parents lives.

    I think about how every year, how a thousand things will remind them of me, and the sadness that was my death.

    Does anyone have any thoughts on this topic? Considering most of the information is staggered towards talking about the destruction, does anyone have any information on people going on with their own lives and generally being ok?

    I have not regrets leaving, but I don't want to take anybody with me.

  2. DontWannaBeHere

    DontWannaBeHere New Member

    Hi, I have the same problem.. i really feel like iv had enough now, im not at all scared of suicide or death (i havent tried it tho so who knows how i would feel in my last few moments) but im really put off cause i know how badly it would hurt my family. I do have alot of family and friends who would be deeply affected by it if i was to go ahead, but the only other option is to stay and be miserable, its tough :/
  3. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    I only live so that my family may be spared the agony of my suicide.
  4. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    I'm gonna sound like a dick, but I hope my parents do suffer from my death. After all, it was their fault that I'm in this situation.
  5. iron

    iron New Member

    yeah. my Dad is set up for money and stuff, and he's going to retire soon. He'll have financial freedom to go wherever and do whatever.. My Mom's cool too. I feel so guilty, thinking about them not being able to enjoy the fruits of their labors due to the sadness of my death.

    I'm really torn, because I feel like it's my life, and mine to do what I'd like with it. In the grand scheme of things, one life doesn't matter that much..(think about a natural disaster where 10 000 people die.. and life goes on) But in the small scheme of things (ie. in the lives of these two people who I love), it means a lot.

    I've read some stuff that really makes me feel ok with it, but then I read some stuff that totally contradicts it.

    My current plan is to try and find a selfless, life threatening occupation, so if I die, it will leave a positive memory for my family, and won't appear in vain.

    Suicide vs. Hero.
  6. Downhill

    Downhill Member

    my family is happy with one another, and will probably be better off without me, especially if they get the finances that go with it. I have a few friends that I know would be heart broken for a short while, but they will all forget about me in little time. I no longer have this conflict that many of you face, but if they care about you so much, why aren't they doing more to make your life more worthwhile?
  7. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I have never lost a child to suicide but I have lost a child, two of them in fact. I had two sons who died before they had chance to be born. It happened nearly 30 years ago and a couple of years apart. Both children died in the womb a few weeks before they were due to be born.
    I think about those children every day and I still feel the sadness and the loss. I wonder what they would be doing now had they lived. I never got to hold them or talk to them or even see them but I still miss them.
    Your parents will have that every single day and on top of those feelings they will always wonder what they did wrong. They will think about the 101 ways that they might have been able to change things if only they'd taken the step.
    You're sentencing them to hell on earth if you go through with this.
    Is your life really so unbearable that you're prepared to do this to your parents? Isn't that a bit too high of a price for them to pay? Do you think that you have the right to ask this of them?
  8. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    What if your life really is that unbearable? Does your family have the right to ask you to continue living a hellish and hopeless life so that they aren't affected by your suicide?
  9. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    No, they don't or at least in my opinion they don't but surely if your life was that unbearable they'd have noticed and the matter discussed openly?.
    If I knew that someone I loved was dying of something horrible and nasty then I would respect their right to die. I would expect them to discuss their intentions with me first though.
    I was asking the OP if their life was that unbearable because he's asking his parents to pay a high price. There's no sign of any reasonable discussion between him and his parnts
  10. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    I think children have the right to expect their parents to continue living for them. Especially small children. Not so much adult children.
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  12. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    The emotional truama of losing someone doesn't have to be family, is the worse feeling, it tears through your stomach your heart until you cannot bear the pain, you litreally feeling your body breaking to the point you cannot cry, the thoughts that hit you instantly for me at least is "I must join them" time does little to help, you replay events in your head, more questions are asked, and it spirals so fucking fast. And the thing is it can hit you anytime, anywhere even in the street, I know I am guilty of trying to end it, I guess when you sink so low you dont know what is around you, you just have to keep fighting knowing each day you are here, you are not putting those close to you through hell, but I also know too well that when you fall where you get to the point your putting plans into action all you can think about is it ending, and how (for me at least) all that pain will go, and you will be doing the world one massive favour, and that people will be better of without you.

    Just my mindless ramble sorry, I hope it makes sense

    Take Care

  13. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    If you go and visit a group in your community of Suicide Survivors (it is for the relatives of people that have died by suicide), you will realize how much they are suffering even after 20-30 years of their loved one suicide, how guilty they feel, how angry they are, you will also realize that a lot of them want to kill themselves for the guilt or the pain, also, you will find out that a lot of the ones that have been part of those groups have killed themselves and some others will tell you that their spouse and 2-3 children have all suicide one after another; That will be your family's future, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I found out about this once I had survived and wanted to join the group, I was not allowed as the members would be angry that I had tried it and would bombard me with WHYs?, disarming any answer that I would give, I respect that as I know they must be in great indescriptible pain, I did offer if anybody ever needed to talk to someone that had not died, I would; Suicide is never good, change and enjoy your life.

    God bless your soul, relieve you from all that pain and suffering and surround you by goodness.
  14. cathyr

    cathyr Member & Antiquities Friend

    I find it so sad that so many of us struggle with these suicidal feelings. JMO, but I don't think most depressed people take suicide lightly. Yes, it can damage your family and that's the reason many do not go through with it. I don't do it because I need to take care of my father. When he dies then I will no longer have any obligations to my family. I would set it up to look like an accident if I ever did go though with it. But I also think that no one is in their proper mind when they commit suicide so cannot be held accountable for hurting other people by going through with it. I do not think people set out to do this just to devastate their family.

    By the same token, I am trying to do everything I can to fight these feelings. I may consider ECT and hospitalization if i don't feel better soon. That is the only thing I have not tried and after 30 years of recurrent depression I've pretty much had it.
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