I'm mostly posting to process out my thoughts, and see if this seems logical or makes sense. I struggle with family and relationships, always have. I've been thinking about what I need to do, what steps I need to take. Today I decided I need to make some changes with some of the people in my life. There are some people that I need to extremely limit or terminate contact with. One of those people is a parent. These people aren't good for my overall health, mental or otherwise. They aren't at all interested in my well being and they really don't give a flying fuck about me. Contact with these people only causes problems and doesn't bring anything except keeping other family members from being angry with me. Not really a good enough reason to continue at this point. These are the same people who didn't even text on Christmas, so they can get over themselves.
There are also some people I need to let go of. That looks different depending on the person. I need to let go of the hope that these people will once again be a part of my life. Stop hoping today is the day, next week, next month or that 2020 will be the year. Holding onto to the hope causes too much pain. It hurts far too deeply. If the problem is me, them or something else entirely isn't really relevant at this point. There is a sadness in letting go of the hope, but it's far less than the pain of waiting. I have to move on. I'm not blocking them. I'm not closing them off. I'm just no longer hoping.
There are also some people I need to let go of. That looks different depending on the person. I need to let go of the hope that these people will once again be a part of my life. Stop hoping today is the day, next week, next month or that 2020 will be the year. Holding onto to the hope causes too much pain. It hurts far too deeply. If the problem is me, them or something else entirely isn't really relevant at this point. There is a sadness in letting go of the hope, but it's far less than the pain of waiting. I have to move on. I'm not blocking them. I'm not closing them off. I'm just no longer hoping.