Family issues - in my case my grandma

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Im having major trouble dealing with my family. I got so angry at my grandmother today i actually told her I wished I werent part of this family.. Does anyone else have trouble dealing with their family?

    My grandma and I talk almost daily. If I didnt love her so much Id probably never speak to her unless I 100% had to. Today my husband was out cutting wood with my stepdad. She goes 'Oh so your husbands helping cut wood today are they cutting for you guys too'...I told her yes otherwise he wouldnt help because of what he did to us last time. I explained to her that my husband cut a small load of wood at my moms farm (that they havent freaking moved onto yet!!!! but thats another issue). My stepdad promised to haul the wood to our house but wouldnt. So my husband goes to their farm to bring it home little at a time in the trunk of our car and its all gone. He confronts my moms husband about it - my mom comes in during the conversation - her asshole husband then denies that my husband even cut the wood. You know what my grandma said when I told her the story.. She goes 'Oh your husband is probably lieing about it..You know how lazy he is'.. I got mad..freaking mad... When he helps out around their place they tell him to sit down until they need him and then dont ask him to get up to help much..How the hell can be help if they dont give him a job to do...Of course hes sitting down if they say hes in the way and to sit down until they find something for him to do.... Also his back is in terrible shape and he has a good freaking excuse to take frequent breaks.... But he gets his damn work done..

    I dont understand how she can tell me mean things about my husband..If I say something even slightly mean about him she jumps all over me... What is wrong with her? Does she not realize she doesnt know everything, dont know the whole damn story.. How can she be so nasty mouthed and close minded..Shes a total hypacrite (spelling sorry)....

    I get so mad at her I wish I could just punch her...

    Also shes always yelling at me if I leave the house...She complains about the amount of animals I have.. She critizes my parenting skills...Always tells people SHE takes care of my son (she does but all the damn time)..Shes always telling me how I should let her have him...What is wrong with her? Why is she so hurtful all the time? What did I do?
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You know the truth, your husband knows the truth and that's what should matter. Stay away from her as much as you can until you can realize that it isn't worth getting upset over. If you are visibly angry in her presence due to her comments, she is likely thriving on that. Even if not, she is winning once you get angry. Be the bigger person.
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    You have no idea what your talking about but thank you for your comment. I appreciate everyone who takes time to reply to others in need. My grandmother is not thriving off my anger and my being angry isnt letting her win. Its not some sort of stupid competetion. We are family and we love eachother. We are not bickering enemies trying to hit eachother with cheap shots and I dont appreciate that being emplyed one bit.

    If anyone else would like to give a helfpul comment or helpful advice please just send a private message. Im having trouble dealing with stress lately. I wont be checking back to this thread because insensative comments from strangers arent worth my being upset over. So please just send me a private message if you have a helpful peice of advice. Im sorry if Im sounding rude but Im trying to protect my own feelings. Im not trying to sound mean or rude to others here. As I said I appreciate everyones comments and everyone who takes time to reply to another person in need. Its the internet and its easy to become upset with other peoples comments because we arent looking at them. Its easy to get upset or even misunderstand someones intentions on a screen.

    Now to give more information... My grandma and I have always been close. She took care of me when I was growing up because my mom worked part time and was a full time student. Shes a very caring person but she has this way of being insensative with her comments. Its almost like shes unware that shes being hurtful. If I actually point it out she will applogize to me but I dont like pointing it out to her because it ends up starting a argument when she tries to explain why she said what she did and then I chime in with why its hurting and why its not helpful and I end up getting mad. Shes a very calm person and never raises her voice to me. Over the past few months shes became more sensative to me in many ways. Instead of going straight into complaints about something I do shes been asking questions and trying to understand.
    I think when she says something about my son shes trying to feed her own ego - make herself feel better. She likes to think she does a good job with her family and comments like that allow her that good feeling.
    As far as comments about my husband - Im lost there..I know the truth yes but it bothers me when others have such a poor view on him..Its hurtful when someone says something bad about the ones you love - regarless if its true or false.
    As far as my caring about what she thinks.. I do care..Shes my grandmother..she raised me..Her approval is important to me.. No matter who blows in and out of my life shes a constant factor for me. I care what she thinks..I dont care if she dont like my pets or my curtains. But I do care what she thinks about me as a person..I love her and dont want her to feel bad about me- she raised me and its important to us both to know she done a okay job.
    Shes not mean on purpose and I understand that. I just need ways to cope with her attitude. I need ways to remind myself that shes different then I am and sees things differently. I need ways to understand that she thinks shes being helpful and I need ways to let it roll off me like water so I wont be upset over something so silly.