Family Members *long, but i need to get this out please*

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Starlite, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    First let me apologize for the length of this

    Years pass me by and I remember so many family members who have passed on. The most recent my mother who will be gone two years coming November 29th. I did not grieve over my mom dying until began almost two weeks ago. Now, my pain is unbearable. It is as if it happened today each day over and over again. I don't know if anyone understands this, maybe not, and noone really has to, but I sure do. My brother who is unsupportive, i have convinced to give me a video tape of my mom, however, I will not watch it without my therapist and mental health support worker and her fill in with me here at my home because I don't know how I will handle it, seeing her talking and moving for the first time on a video in almost two years. I miss you so much mom, your laugh, you hugs, your advice, your unconditional love, the way you softly spoke even when you were upset, your smell, the pat of your hand on my arm when i was depressed or sad, the companionship of being my best friend. You showed me what caring about others was about, what being a homemaker and being a good person was about and I thank you for what you gave me...YOU and your unconditional love. Noone could and ever will come close to you. :cry2:

    My dad passed on May 15th, 2003. Dad you were my rock. Your work ethics were like noone i ever knew or ever will know. Your laugh made each gloomy day seem like the sun was shining no matter what. I can still see your smile, hear your voice and see your whole body shake when you got going. The love you had for us you never kept hidden. And we all loved you back. I am so glad i got to spend my entire life with you . You showed me what hard work was about and gave me my own work ethics. You gave me love every day of my life with you and I will never forget it.

    My brother, October 28th, 1999. Steve, you had a hard life. Being and alcoholic and drug addict was so tough on you. But you overcame alot and I was so glad you leaned on me. I am thankful we got to share our lives together, however short it was. I am glad to have been there for you, picking you up when you fell, being your support when you needed it. However, you were my support as well, although you didn't think you were. You were so humble natured and i have not met anyone that has even come close to you. You had so many of mom's qualities's too when it came to work ethics and love for family. But that humble natured quality was outstanding. The accident you have left your body battered and I didn't get to see you, so i didn't have closure. but I will always remember you as you were, that smile you had on your face, but my heart will remain heavy and burdensome and long for that hug and those long talks we always had..those heart to hearts ..those long drives we went for while you cried and poured your heart out to me. I miss you were my friend..although you called yourself needy ..i called you friend and brother. I hope you have the peace you so long for now.

    Grandma, December 7th, 1991. Mamaw, You were my inspiration. My shield and comfort. My teacher through and through. You were the rock of the entire family of the ones I spoke of already. When you left us, you left a hole in my heart. I miss you terribly. I have accepted your passing, but i still miss you. I know you are where you wanted to be. Your smile and faith have been passed down from generation to generation and you still are that inspiration in our family at holidays. Even though the family has dwindled to nearly a stand still. We love you and we miss you.

    To all ...I miss you like crazy. I don't know how I will make it through my years here on earth or if i will have years ...But you are in my hearts forever
  2. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    a very sobering and thought provoking post. I feel bad for all your loss.
    not sure what else to say. just ...nobody posted back, and that was
    such a heartfelt love inspired post, I thought someone should answer.

    I hope you are ok. take care of yourself and the people who still left in your life, and .......
    that's it. just hope you are ok. and there is no reason on earth to apologize.
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I am glad you wrote this post Judy. To get all this out of your system and let us know who were before you and have made you what you are today.
    I know it is hard to loose our rocks in life and the non grieving hits much harder if not dwelt with at the moment of the circumstances happening.

    I love you for being who you are and i thank who was before you for leaving us a living testimony of them and such a wonderful person: YOU.

    love, granny :hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses Judy. :hug:
  5. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Thank you all for your responses, i really didn't have to put much thought into this just rolled off my heart and off the keyboard onto the screen is truly how i feel heart is so heavy
  6. JustSam

    JustSam Well-Known Member

    o dear
    i know it probably doesnt mean much, but i'm heartbroken for your losses
    you've been standing pretty strong though, sincerely i am very glad someone like you, with your intellect, is able to communicate such terribly hard things in such an honest way
    anyway, i hope this grieving time helps you, and i hope the hurt stops its intensity soon
    and feel free to pm anytime you'd like (=
  7. tintin

    tintin Guest

    here anytime you need to talk hun
    xx <3
  8. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    hi judy

    im sorry sweetheart for all ur losses that hurt so badly :hug:

    Jo xx
  9. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Sam it does mean alot to know you care! it is very hard for me right now and to have some support from here means more than you can imagine :hug: and thank you for yours
  10. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Jo thank you hun :hug:
  11. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    thank you dunraven..just may have to take you up on that sometime :hug:
  12. bluet

    bluet Member

    Hi, I know its hard to lose a family member, but dont feel guilty about what happen in the past. You can try to write a dairy or scream and express yourself. Its your life that matter now and remember that we care and love you.
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know how difficult these losses can be and even more so around anniversary times. You have not gone completely through the grieving process yet. Have you talked it over with anyone? There are several steps we go through. I would suggest grief counseling, and if you have already been through that then maybe it needs a second chance. I know all those you loved and lost would not wish to see you suffering so much at their passing. They would wish for you to go on.
  14. black dove

    black dove Well-Known Member

    a very touching post indeed. you have been blessed to have such people in your life, but i am so sorry that they have passed.

    a word of advice based on personal experience however, is not to watch that video just yet. i obviously don't know how you're completely feeling and where you're at in terms of readiness, but personally, from reading your descriptions i would wait until you're a little bit more in control and steady before watching that. i've made that mistake before and it put me out for a good while.

    whatever you decide, good luck. we're here and all behind you.
  15. tintin

    tintin Guest

    thats completely ok hun :heart:
    your such a wonderful person Judy :)