Family wedding
- Thread starter Leesa
- Start date
Were now getting closer to the day and to the festive time of year. Halloween is my favorite but I don't get to participate in any activities. I have no one to go do anything with and no money.
I want to spend some time with my niece before her wedding but I have no idea what to do. We don't have anything in common. After Thursday all the fun Halloween stuff will be down. And, again, financials...
I hate myself. I hate my life. I don't even know why I come here. The cliche of misery loves company I suppose. I know I'm better off than some on here and worse off than others. Nothing helps
I want to spend some time with my niece before her wedding but I have no idea what to do. We don't have anything in common. After Thursday all the fun Halloween stuff will be down. And, again, financials...
I hate myself. I hate my life. I don't even know why I come here. The cliche of misery loves company I suppose. I know I'm better off than some on here and worse off than others. Nothing helps
I took my niece to lunch this weekend. It was the first time we've been alone together in 13 years. I felt like I was with a stranger to a certain degree. I could keep the conversation going but I don't even recognize her as my niece anymore.
I realize she's now an adult but it's like the kid I was so close to for 12 years was a figment of my imagination.
I had to skip my car payment this month because of gifts, trying to find something to wear, etc. I still don't want to go. I told her I find large parties ( especially weddings) very overwhelming and not to be concerned if I step out. I just told her I wanted her to enjoy her day. It will be the last time I ever see her before she gets married. After next week I'm simply a footnote in her story. I was in the room when she was born and there's just not much there anymore.
Glad/not glad we went. Very mixed feelings. No mixed feelings about the wedding. I don't want to go. I hate them.
I realize she's now an adult but it's like the kid I was so close to for 12 years was a figment of my imagination.
I had to skip my car payment this month because of gifts, trying to find something to wear, etc. I still don't want to go. I told her I find large parties ( especially weddings) very overwhelming and not to be concerned if I step out. I just told her I wanted her to enjoy her day. It will be the last time I ever see her before she gets married. After next week I'm simply a footnote in her story. I was in the room when she was born and there's just not much there anymore.
Glad/not glad we went. Very mixed feelings. No mixed feelings about the wedding. I don't want to go. I hate them.
I'm glad you were close to her for a time. I'm sorry you don't feel close to her now, but the time that you were close was probably something good for both of you, and helped to shape who she is now.
Maybe she wants you to be at the wedding because of how close you once were. If she understood the reasons why you don't want to go it might be easier for her.
Maybe she wants you to be at the wedding because of how close you once were. If she understood the reasons why you don't want to go it might be easier for her.
Nah. It's my brother who wants me there. My sister in law has a massive family and I think there will only be two from our side -- that's if my other brother shows up. He's an alcoholic so that could possibly end in a scene. Other extended family either can't make it, are estranged, or dead. Our parents are dead.
I'm hating myself so much. I do not want to go. I want to medicate myself and sleep while it's happening. That's how I got through my nephew's. His was out of town during Covid. I couldn't have gone even if I wanted to. I knew the times, obviously, so I slept. This wedding is a 30 minute drive. I don't want to go. I just want to die.
It's less than 24 hours away and I'm just a mess. I 'talked' to my therapist for 10 minutes tonight. I say 'talked' because all I did was cry. I do not want to go. People don't understand what this is doing to me. The wedding is not about me and I should not have to be there. I've spent so much money. I'm already struggling and had to skip my car payment so I could get a gift and something to wear, etc. I have hated weddings since the very first one I went to when I was 7. That was because I was bored though. The older I got the more painful they became. I swore them off 24 years ago for a freaking reason.
Last night I found a journal entry from over 25 years ago predicting EXACTLY what is happening now. I took a picture of it and sent it to my therapist. Things didn't get better. They got worse. There is nothing anyone can say to fix it or make it even tolerable. I want to f***ing die.
Last night I found a journal entry from over 25 years ago predicting EXACTLY what is happening now. I took a picture of it and sent it to my therapist. Things didn't get better. They got worse. There is nothing anyone can say to fix it or make it even tolerable. I want to f***ing die.
