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So, in short, my life as of late, sucks.

During last winter I fell into a depression. I remember, after one evening of volleyball, I had to sit outside my car for about an hour because I kept thinking of this one spot on the road. They were doing construction, and I knew it would be so easy just to let go of the wheel there. So I sat outside of my car, scared of what I would do if I drove. I thought of my family and friends.

Now, I am having similar intruding thoughts/fantasies. When I'm depressed or down, I like to go on walks. On my walks there is a bridge over a river. I keep having these thoughts of getting on the rails, just sitting, and just letting myself slid off. It's weird though, my other thoughts/fantasies about it, I always saw myself from outside, like a movie. Now though, I see the whole thing happen through my eyes. I see myself sitting on the rails. I don't see my face, I just see where I am looking; my legs, the water. Then I see the water coming fast. I know the impact broke my legs and then I go under water. I don't think about my family or the reaction to follow. I just see darkness.
i do that too. i have so many wrote down i cant even go into it but try to do somthing that isnt esy to do cause they will take over and i know when i overdosed before on 300 pills its like it was the same thing but i didnt realize it till i came to in the hospital


There's a large bridge not far from me, it must be at least 200ft high. One momentous effort and it would be all over. I think about it everyday.
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