Hi, first post so sorry if it rambles a bit. I'm a sufferer of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) which originates from my childhood (physically abusive Father, passive Mother etc). It kicked in about 4 years ago after a visit to the UK following my Father's death. Have sought help from psychiatrists and a range of psychologists but seemingly, to no real avail. I say this because recently, at work, I found myself in a very stressful situation and the PTSD triggered. That was a couple of weeks ago now and I've been in a living hell with this thing. The stressful situation at work is continuing and will do so for a while I think but I'm taking action by cutting down on the number of days at work (to 3). However, after all that intro (sorry) I come to the reason why I'm here. I'm having persistent suicidal thoughts where I imagine how peaceful my life would be after death - its almost meditative, calming and restful (especially at night when I can't get to sleep). In the fantasy I imagine overdosing so that I fall asleep without feeling anything then the peace sweeps over me and I feel a sense of calm. The thing is, in the scheme of meditative techniques I'm sure this isn't encouraged and would be considered to be unhealthy. I can't say I'd do it but there you have it. Does anyone else experience this?