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Fat and grotesque.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ruby, Mar 12, 2008.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Recently i've started obsessing over my size again. It's always on my mind. I hate the word 'fat' and worry that people might think i've gained weight. I'd rather someone call me mad, ugly, stupid.. but not fat, I couldn't cope with it. I suffered with bulimia for a couple of years and was discharged from the eating disorder clinic a couple of months ago so I know i'm not in need of help. I just feel disgusting. I feel so bad when I eat, like i've let myself down. I can't bare feeling full, it makes me feel repulsive. I wish that I could starve myself again so that I could cleanse my body of all the bad stuff that's in food. I went to the doctor to see if she would prescribe dieting pills but she refused and in stead offered me some 'ensure plus' drinks. :blink:
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Were you at Vincent Square as an inpatient? (I'm in London too). You don't have to answer, I was just curious.

    Anyway, are the eating disorder clinic doing any follow up outpatient work for you? Have you ever had outpatient treatment? Because it does sound like you do need help. :hug: I'm still waiting for CAT.

    It does sound like things are getting on top of you again. There's probably a lot of emotional stuff going on perhaps, in the background?
  3. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    ^ I agree with the above. I've been on/off bulimic for five years and whenever I slip back into it, I've found it's really just a way that I avoid dealing with serious emotional problems/decisions in my life. For me it's a control thing, really. I think realizing this helps get a handle on it, though... It's tough to dig into the underlying issues but it definitely helps. Best of luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2008
  4. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I've suffered for a very long time with issues about my body. They're so inground now that I am having operations to sort them out.
    What you need to do is get to the bottom of why you feel like eating is so disgusting to you and why you feel like you can't pig out once in a while without feeling so terrible. I've always said you should enjoy your own body because all it is is a sack of meat that carries your brain around for you. But then again if you care what others think of you it can be a lot more difficult to love yourself.
    Do you care what other people think about how you look?
  5. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Even IP doesn't do anything. For me at least.
    I'm sorry about all this shit though, I know it sucks... it's been bad for me lately as well. :sad: :hug:
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