I was doing so well. I was finally able to look in the mirror at myself and not turn away in disgust. I was starting to care about, well, caring about myself. I wanted to take showers, get my hair out of knots, and start getting back into a real routine outside of work, sleep, eat, buy a book or two, work... And then my friend wanted to have a "hard conversation". Her latest boyfriend didn't like that I call myself fat. I've always taken to using the word "fat" because there are no lies in it. There's no attempt made to pretend you're something you're not. Fat isn't this terrible horrible word, it just means that you have adipose tissue, more of it than average. Fat was an armor I could wear because everyone else is so very afraid of it. The very word strikes terror into the heart of the world. He didn't like that I called myself fat. So now, "we need to talk about your weight". She didn't need to talk about my weight when we were just hanging out. She didn't need to talk about my weight when we were out shopping. But now that her toothless f*cking boyfriend was uncomfortable with me using my preferred verbiage, now, this is a conversation we *need* to have. I had stopped looking at myself as this disgusting shell of a person, it had taken years for me to get this far that I felt like I even deserved all the love I have in my life. And then, "we need to talk about your weight." That was NOT a discussion for her to start. That was NOT a discussion that you start. You let the fat person come to you. You let them come and talk about their health if they have a real concern. It's not something you bring up because your Duck Dynasty beard-bearing toothless boyfriend is uncomfortable with how your friend addresses themselves. Even the phrase I used wasn't all that offensive... I got out of a very deep chair and said, "I'm getting too fat for this sh*t." I was riffing on Lethal Weapon. So now, I'm scared to go look in the mirror because all of that progress washed away. All of that starting to find myself to be a tolerable person to be around, starting to be comfortable in my very padded skin, all gone. Dismantled by one actually pretty insensitive conversation. I'm so scared that I'll never get back to where I was. It's all I can think about. And now, I'm too scared to go out to even take care of it. If my own friend feels it necessary to discuss my weight as though it's a topic that's up for public discussion, what are strangers going to do?