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fat shaming!

Jayjay289

Jay Jay from the UK
#1
whilst this post may be controversial.... Time to talk about Fat Shaming 🤷‍♂️

I heard on the radio today that they are looking at creating law that protects those people that are fat shamed or similar.

Any form of shaming is not helpful and can cause hurt and in some cases, people take their own life.

There are people who have medical issues and are overweight and there are some people that may have caused their own issues.

Highlighting them even more says a lot about the shamers and their own low self worth and that they are hiding their own issues.

Maybe support them in a way that they feel that they can take action if they believe it is correct to do so.

Encourage them to address the situation if they believe that they have one and want to.

Accept that many do not want help or are not ready for help and that it is about them and not you.

If you think that you are able to offer something good and helpful, maybe ask them if they want your advice.

These people are human beings and they have feelings are are already dealing with potential issues and do not require your ill advised comments.

❤✔
 

Shannew

Well-Known Member
#2
I've also read that a lot of overweight people have experienced childhood trauma/sexual abuse and their weight gain is a subconcious way to avoid unwanted male attention...

There are so many layers to weight gain, a lot can be psychological. Unfortunately, the average person does not have the mental capacity or emotional intelligence to understand.

I've gained 20 kg in the last 6 months because I just went through the most stressful time in my life. Before that I was fit, going to the gym every day for two hours and eating healthily but people would not think that looking at me now. I haven't been bullied about it yet by anyone (except my parents), but even with my strong identity and self-confidence, it would definitely hurt me.

For anyone who is going through this stay strong. *hug
 

iwihbn

Don't the sun look angry at me?
#3
I believe that fatshaming shouldn't be done, but we have to delineate what is/isnt fatshaming.
Clearly there are obvious fatshaming remarks, but is a doctor/loved one saying lose weight fatshaming? If we don't delineate then it gets dangerously into HAES, which is dangerous for people.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm ⭐️

Eclectic nutbag
SF Supporter
#4
I believe that fatshaming shouldn't be done, but we have to delineate what is/isnt fatshaming.
Clearly there are obvious fatshaming remarks, but is a doctor/loved one saying lose weight fatshaming? If we don't delineate then it gets dangerously into HAES, which is dangerous for people.
I don't think it's fat shaming to tell someone they need to lose weight for health reasons. I've been told that before and I agree with it. I think of fat shaming as more like being picked on for your size and made to feel bad about yourself.
 

Shannew

Well-Known Member
#5
Lol my dad is a doctor and he got sued because he told one of his patients that she was obese and needed to lose weight, even though it's his job. Some people can get really sensitive...
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#6
I think that with any criticism, you have to look at the intent behind it. If the person is speaking from genuine concern for you or wanting to help you, it is not bullying or shaming.

I feel the pain of anyone dealing with weight issues. I am obese and gained most of the weight after menopause. I lost 7 lbs in July but then stalled. I'm back on my healthy eating plan now and determined to lose 20 lbs by end of October. I
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
No one deserves to be shamed for any reason let alone weight issues, there are some medical conditions that prove that some people cannot control their weight, it was featured on 'The moment of truth' show. So basically its like colour of skin, cannot be controlled so how dare anyone ''shame'' them for that. Weight issues can be cause by thyroid issues too. Do not judge a book by its cover. Its definitely hard to lose weight. You have to be in the right frame of mind for it and it just popped into my head that psych meds can cause serious weight gain and a slow metabolism.

The folks that fat shame obviously have sad little lives and gain their happiness by putting others down. Shame on them.

In cases where it can be controlled, sure by all means have a light heart-ed one to one with that person you care about and tell them they are making themselves at risk of xyz in the nicest, kindest way possible and that you are only concerned for their health.

Fat shaming needs to end. Its 2020.
 

Dark111

SF Supporter
#10
I fat shamed myself into losing weight and it worked. A couple of years ago I looked at myself in the mirror and felt totally disgusted. I wasn't obese by any stretch but I didn't fit as well into my clothes. The only reason was because I voluntarily ate too much. I'm now at my goal weight and I feel great. Being overweight feels horrible and it's unhealthy and unattractive. It is a shameful state to be in. I managed to do it just by the aesthetics alone, but for people who struggle to lose weight, I recommend not just a workout routine and healthy eating but therapy also. A lot of people are overweight because they comfort eat. They find it hard to process difficult emotions so they self-medicate with food.

Thyroid issues & medication, sure. Most people are fat because they eat too much.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#11
I was a fairly healthy weight until hitting menopause and then something happened to my metabolism because I gained 20 pounds eating the exact same food and exercising the same amount as before. I'm trying to lose weight now but it's very difficult - lost about 5 lbs but want to lose at least 15 more. I'm size 16 which is pretty average, but weight doesn't look good on me as I don't have the bone structure that can handle it. I am working out 3x per week and cut calories. But not going out as much due to Covid and working from home. Most people I know have gained 5-10 pounds during this time so I'm glad at least I haven't added to my problem.

My heart goes out to everyone trying to lose weight. Just stick to your healthy eating plan for the first 3-4 days and it gets easier, for me at least.
 

Freya

Loves SF
Forum Owner
ADMIN
SF Author
#12
I think that there is a vast underestimation of how much mental health and self-esteem play into the ability to lose weight (or the propensity to gain it) and, having been on the receiving end of 'fat-shaming' behaviours, I can confidently say that it does not help the person become healthier because it most often causes additional damage to their mental health. Nor do I believe that in the majority of cases there is anything well meaning behind it, regardless of what the person doing the shaming might claim. In the very very very vast majority of cases the overweight person is very well aware that they should lose weight for their health.

I have a thyroid condition that unquestionably caused weight gain. I also took mirtazepine for nearly two years and gained 60lb. The primary issue, however, with losing weight was that there was simply nothing good in my life apart from food. There was no joy, nothing that felt good, aside from the very brief happiness of this or that food item. I have never been a drug addict but I imagine it to be a similar thing. My life was already a dark, soul-suckingly unhappy place. The ONLY tiny bit of 'good' I could scrape up was this sandwich, that cupcake... so telling me to lose weight was saying 'you don't deserve even the tiny pathetic brief scraps of 'good' you currently have'. So it would be good for my health - so what? It wasn't like I cared if I died an early death from it. I had nothing to live for anyway.

If you'd asked me I wouldn't have told you that. Because that isn't a conversation you have with someone who has never felt that way, never lived that way. They don't have a frame of reference for the kind of loneliness and hopelessness that gives 'comfort eating' a whole new meaning because the comfort of that 'nice food' is the only thing that makes your life livable. Literally.

Fat shaming is not okay. It isn't ever a positive or beneficial thing. It makes assumptions and is prejudicial and someone's health or lack of it, for the most part, is nobody else's business.
 
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Dark111

SF Supporter
#13
Hence why I said Most people are fat because they eat too much. Logically, that means not all

And when it comes to saying something, I'm not talking about strangers. We don't know what's up with them(although the vast majority of the time it's due to eating too much). But if it's people we know very well, or it's ourselves, and we know they or we eat way too much & never go for a jog, is it really so unreasonable to point out to that putting down the fork and going for a run might be a better idea? And if anyone needs that much food to feel 'comforted' they need to see a therapist. Find a healthier way to comfort yourself.

Sure, be as overweight as you want. I just hope you don't find yourself crying to a friend about how no one will date you while helping yourself to a third piece of cake. I had a friend come over with that story and I couldn't stop laughing.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#14
. I just hope you don't find yourself crying to a friend about how no one will date you while helping yourself to a third piece of cake.
Wow... I think that is probably the most ignorant comment I have ever read on here. How shallow and rude. *thumbsdown
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#16
Just to add (she may kill me for this) but someone here lost a MASSIVE amount of weight and I'm so fucking proud of her, she met an amazing, charming man whilst overweight, of course he did not see that as a negative because she is just as beautiful no matter what her number on the scale is and their love blossomed, then she lost the weight through seriously hard work and is now a healthy weight and married to her insanely intelligent and funny husband. She's a beautiful person inside and out, fat shamed when she was obese, they can cry and weep now 'cos she is god damned BEAUTIFUL woman obese or thin. And I may add too intelligent for her own good. Its not all about looks, look past Cosmopolitan magazine, eh?

My point? Some people cannot control their emotions, bodies, medicine induced hunger, whatever else and others (the ones with a brain) see past the numbers on the scale.
 
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Dark111

SF Supporter
#17
Just to add (she may kill me for this) but someone here lost a MASSIVE amount of weight ad I'm so fucking proud of her, she met an amazing, charming man whilst overweight, of course he did not see that as a negative because she is just as beautiful no matter what her number on the scale is and their love blossomed, then she lost the weight through seriously hard work and is now a healthy weight and married to her insanely intelligent and funny husband. She's a beautiful person inside and out, fat shamed when she was obese, they can cry and weep now 'cos she is god damned BEAUTIFUL woman obese or thin. And I may add too intelligent for her own good. Its not all about looks, look past Cosmopolitan magazine, eh?

My point? Some people cannot control their emotions, bodies, medicine induced hunger, whatever else and others (the ones with a brain) see past the numbers on the scale.
She lost all the weight? Good for her! Excellent!
 

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