Fatal crash ... almost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by malek, Jan 16, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    I almost died yesterday … I wish I would have.

    I was going along on the highway at 100kmh(~65mph) when my car hit a patch of black ice. My car started gliding and spinning, I did 2x360 before my car hit the curb at witch point I was thrown clear from the vehicle and landed safely in a snow bank. My car tumbled down a ditch and caught fire. Can anyone explain to me why people that have a thirst for life die on a daily basis but shit like this happens to me and I walks away without a scratch (my car windows were open since I was smoking a cigarette) so I simply slid out of the car in mid air through the open window instead of going through the windshield.

    Hell when I came too in the snow my cigarette was still lit and broken in half dangling from a small piece of paper. I started crying right there all I can remember while I was in the air was “Finally this is it” … and then thump! I simply land in puff of soft snow without a scratch.

    My car crashed in a hydro pole which fell on it (including the high tension wires) if only I would have worn my seat belt I would be dead right now... how pathetic.

    It’s like the 5th time death just passes me by without taking me with him why cant I just die? Well I’m still here waiting for my time.
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    That's really strange. You said death passed you by several times as well.
    Did you feel like "this is it" when you were spinning in your car as well or was it only when you were flying through the air?
    When you feel like you know your gonig to die like that, when your falling and waiting for the next split second of impact, you may have just resigned yourself to the fate and grinned at death. But did you really want to die when you felt you still had a chance at life, when you were spinning around not knowing where you would land?
  3. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    Yes, when my car was spinning around i was hoping i would end up dead, i didnt even try to regain control of the car i simply laid back in my seat and waited.

    When i found my self being pulled out of my car through the window (gravity i assume) i had a big smile on my face and i was like "Yes this is it" awaiting the final moment.

    Throughout that time, i didn't fear death, i wasn't afraid there was no noise, no stress, no uncertainty, just a grim certainty and clarity ... i was about to die and i was looking forward to it.

    But then something happened for some reason i was thrown clear from the car into soft snow ... this simply doesn't make any sense ... i should have died i was so sure i was dead *cry*
  4. BeenThere

    BeenThere Guest

    It isnt your time yet i would say :) i would take that as a sign.I'm glad your ok tho.
  5. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    that makes one of us.
  6. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Then do you fear pain or dying?
  7. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    i neither fear pain nor dying. I would take any ammount of pain necessary as long as it ends in death.
  8. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Then I can't understand (this is not a provocation or trigger in any way) why you still live. There must be something keeping you in the world. There must be some hope left or love for others or not wanting to cause pain to others.
    Can you truthfully tell me that you desire nothing but death? Or is it the pain and problems your going through that want you to die?
  9. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    I can truly say i desire nothing more than death.

    Although what is keeping me here (the reason i cant or haven't killed my self) is my 2 kids and my wife. I cant kill my self because then they would simply hate me for the rest of their natural lives and it would cause them more harm than me being alive right now.

    But If an accident takes me or if my death is outside my sphere of control then it's fair game. I have been waiting for years for an accident to take me but whenever something happens to me that should otherwise have killed me i always escape without a scratch and this is the greatest injustice of all.
  10. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    Malek, I've had death pass me by as well. And what you say about people who want to live die every day, yet you get nothing, not even a scratch, I've felt angry about that too. When I get really bad, I start to think I'm cursed with immortality. That no matter what happens, I cannot die.

    I wish I had something I could say that would help. I'm glad you lived, even though I know you're not. I just wanted to let you know I know how you're feeling.
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Bipolarkitty, what you said really resonated with me. My Dad was killed in almost the exact same crash you described. The difference is, he WAS wearing a seatbelt when the pole fell. His last words to the EMT's were, "I can't die, I have kids." When it is your time, you will go, but not before.
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I really didn't want to post that, but I felt that I should.
  13. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    Why not post that, peanut?
  14. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I guess it makes me really sad. Some people want so badly to live, others so badly to die and it's not in our control in any way. The only thing we can do is just go on with our lives and hope that when the time comes we can find some peace there at the end.
  15. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    I'm sorry, Malek, for your bad run of good luck. I don't want to be mean, but your story is the most dark, frustrating, and absolutely hilarious thing I've read all week.

    Pity about your broken cigarette. But it's probably for the best. Those things could kill you, you know!

    Again, sorry. I know people like us have rather different motivations compared to most. But your story scores about a million out of ten on the frustration meter!
  16. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    By the way, the above post was for Malek AND Bipolarkitty :)
  17. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    This is one of the interesting threads I ever read on SF. Malek, I am glad you are alive and maybe this is a sign that you are meant for living despite struggles upon struggles.
    This thread makes me ask the following Qs. And I hope people can provide insights/opinions.
    As illustrated in the thread, Malek not only got lucky once but twice. First, he was not even wearing seatbelt but it didn't cause him any harm. Second, he was thrown from the car but came out without a scratch because he landed on a pile of snow.
    I read a lot articles regarding car accidents. And in most cases like Malek's, people would have died or at least seriously injured. Yet, Malek totally survived the fatal crash without any injury. He also said this is the 5th time he escaped near-death situation.
    As for my Q, could it be Malek is one of the luckiest guys on the planet? Don't you think this is a sign Malek is meant to live and watched closely by the Heaven or Higher Power?
  18. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    A gift or a curse, it's his decision.
  19. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    i would gladly give it up if it meant saving the life of 1 person that actually wants to live.

    Im sorry i've been ... weird since the crash ... i simply cant wrap it around my mind ... it has affected me in a bigger way than i thought ... i simply dont know anymore.

    I've been living my life waiting for a fatal accident to take me and then when it finally happens ... i come to a few feet away from my totalled car without a scratch.

    i know i cant die simply because my kids need me to much, if i were to die my wife would go in a severe depresseion and most likely either become a vegetable or kill her self ... in any event my kids would become parentless because my wife would not be able to handle it.

    i can't allow my self to die ... but god do i want to.

    do you want to hear a funny story .

    i was shot once ... the bullet bounced off my wallet that was in my brest pocket.

    I drowned once ... only to wake up on the beach a few meters away

    I hanged my self once ... only to have the rope break

    I was in a car crash when i was 8 ... my dad was drunk and rammed another car really bad, my dad got a face full of glass and steiring weel, the driver and one of the passenfers of the other car died and once again all i had were a few bruises ... i saw them die one crushed under the twisted steel and the other burning and screeming ... i still remember the cold shrill and it sends shivers in my spine ... i think this is when i started to want to die ... i cant get that image out of my head ... although it allowed me to see the evil of drunk driving and i have never ever driven with more than 0.000001 alchool in my body.

    So it's about time i realise i'm here for a reason ... even if i dont want to.\

  20. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Wow. I think it is safe to say that you definitely ARE here for a reason. You're like Bruce Willis in "Ubreakable" :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.