fate seems to be destroying me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bobbob, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    The long and the short of it is that, through my own stupidity and bad luck, I have now developed visual snow, along with the existing tinnitus. It means that I see black and white static over everything and cant see darkness anymore. It is incurable and can also lead to depersonalisation and derealisation. At the same time I lost more hearing and developed more tinnitus.
    I now have eight loud tinnitus noises in my head and my vision is full of static. Things keep getting worse and I no longer have any hope at all. Im not sure why Im writing this. Im not by nature suicidal. In fact, Ive always valued life with its ups and downs. But now all I have is pain and fear of that pain getting worse and worse until I go off my head. People should hang onto life, as things will get better for most. But my condition wont and it can onloy get worse. Adn I dont have th strength to keep trying.
     
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey bobbob, my empathy to you with the tinnitus. Mine is a little different as its actually caused by Labs, but the effects are still the same or thereabouts. I have had that for about 8 1/2 yrs now and in the last couple of months a little childs voice has become vocal amongst it all as well. The ringing is bad enough and drives me nuts some days. Add the voice and its pushes me towards insanity [you know what I mean].

    Added, like you, I have vision problems. I get like a heat haze effect in my peripheral vision, both horizontal and vertical, sometimes together, sometimes one with the other. It makes it very difficult to judge distances for me and I have trouble locating the ground, so walking is a fun affair. I am also developing periods of blurred vision. They are mostly fleeting, but can last a minute or two. Eye test needed now I suppose.

    But at least one other person around here has some idea what you are going through and how difficult it an be sometimes. Throw the depression/mental health issue in as well, man, is it any wonder we sometimes get suicidal? I wont see any improvement to ears or eyes either, just like you and some days I just feel I have had enough.

    You wanna compare notes, drop me a line anytime you like. Just so sorry to read you are also having a real tough time of it these days. Kudos to you that you are still here and trying to make sense of it all and keep going.
     
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  3. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    All I can say atm is thank you. Im not sure exactly how but your post has given me some sense of hope. Im sorry to hear that you have similar problems and yeah maybe we can help each other through the nighmare that is tinnitus and visual snow. tc. cheers
    bobbob
     
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  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am sorry bob. *hugs* Do not give up.
     
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  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm not sure what to say but wanted you to know you are an AMAZING person and I am so sorry for what you are going through right now (hugs) please keep being your amazing self.
     
    bobbob likes this.
  6. bubblebear

    bubblebear Princess

    i hadn't seen u recently bobbob. i miss you :oops::rolleyes: . i am sorry about the snow. its really annoying and i can understand where you're comign from. i think ur doing really well considering everyting. hmm i actually don't really know what to say. :| im not always the best with advice on certn topics. im sorry about the snow though. i did some reasearch and it said a symptom of it was the tinnitus.

    miss you <3