During a break time at work, my colleague pointed out an article about suicide. A person used some chemical in the bathroom and not only the person wanted to committed suicide but also his mum died and his brother is in a critical condition.. She explained XXXXXXX.... I pretended and made comments as if I never thought about suicide.. But inside of me... '... oh I think I should follow this method if there's no struggling...'. I felt fate... If I didn't take a break at that time, I would never know this method.... In retrospect, it's been constantly unfortunate and devastated events have been happening to me... as if out side of some power has been trying to drive me to commit suicide... Even though I tried to seek help from professionals, it never succeeded... Over three years devastated events have been piled up and I don't know why I'm still alive... I found that people in this board says common things- 'Being alone'... I realised that I have been always being alone since I was a child.. I had friends but at home, I was always alone... But I always believed that I would have happy life when I grow up.. It never happened.. But I tried to find happiness and believed miracle would happen to me.. Never happened what I dreamt about.. I'm always on my own every occasion. My birthday, Christmas, New years eve and New year, St Valentine's day and etc etc.. There's no meaning to live... I can't bear this loneliness... My life was ruined by a person/people... There's no need to kill some body.. A person can drive some one to commit suicide... I can't deal with this unfairness any more.. I'm sorry to rant this..