Father and lover

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by agghie, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. agghie

    agghie Member

    On 9th October 2010 I have lost one of the most "Special People" in my life to suicide. He was only 32. When i first met him 3 and half years ago he was finishing a long term relationship with his ex due to her cheating on him. They where linked on an emotional basis having gone through loads together and a daughter. I have been seeing him on and of for the 3 and half years but have always some how felt second best. Around seven or possibly eight months ago he apologised for all the wrong things he'd done to me over the years and said that he was a changed person and wanted me to give him a chance. Together we have a son who turned 2 on 9th October 2010, same day he committed suicide. He did not know it was his son's Birthday that day because we were not on talking terms when he was born. I was going to tell him on the Monday when we were supposed to meet. Over the months i was always on edge because expected him to do something wrong and upset me but all those months he had been perfect to me. The past month things had been going fantastic between us and for once in my life i felt we were going somewhere.The night he committed suicide he tried to contact me and several family members but non of us answered our phones. The one person he did speak to was his ex because she had contacted him to ask him if he would babysit their daughter the following day as she was supposed to go to a wedding. I am not aware about what they talked about however do know that he stated to her that this was it... it was final... and that he was going to commit suicide. His ex did not act on what he had said because apparantly he had said that he was going to commit suicide on other occasions to her. She has never informed any family members, friends nor professionals. Up till when he committed suicide nobody knew we were seeing each other nor that we had a child together. His ex suspected we had a child but he never admitted it to her. His family is aware of both me and my son and have welcomed us in their family and consider my little boy a miracle. On 11 October an hour prior to me going to see him I have received the phone call that has changed my life. Part of me has gone with him and my life will never be the same again. It has been the biggest shock of my life, there is a void and i cannot bare to think that i will never be able to speak, touch, kiss, see him again. I truly miss him immensly.
     
  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    I am sorry. It is hard to find words to respond to your account of your tragic loss. All I can do is bear witness to it. You have your son and he now has to be the focus of your life because he needs your love and you have to teach him so much. So somehow you must smile through the tears for the child's sake. And his father's family may help with this. May God bless you and give you and them the strength and courage to work through the sorrow and grief.
     
  3. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    Oh gosh that is so awfull for you. my heart truly goes out to you at this heartbreaking time :( If ever you feel alone and want to vent or chat feel free to contact me, cant give advice but am a good listener and sometimes thats all it takes.

    Big Big hugs for you at this really hard time xxxxxx
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too am so sorry for such a loss I hope you can get some grief therapy for you to help you cope with all the sadness.
     
  5. agghie

    agghie Member

    Hi Loser,
    Thank you for you response. Your words mean so much to me. May God bless you too.
     
  6. agghie

    agghie Member

    hi Loopy,
    same, thank you for your response. I will keep it in mind. thank you.x
     
  7. agghie

    agghie Member

    Hi Violet,
    Thank you for your reply.
    I am trying to deal with it in the best way i can. Some days are easier than others.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    with some therapy moreof your days will be easier
    You have to look after you nowokay so you can be strong for your child
    Psychologist a good one will help you getthru the bad days easier.
    Ihope you get some help for You
     
  9. agghie

    agghie Member

    Hi yes I do agree. My child reminds me of him each day so really hard to switch off and I cannot stop asking myself "why". His cousin apparently knows the reason and i will be enlightened first occasion we meet in person. I will see how I go on, and worse scenario I will speak to professionals. Thank you.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry agghie for your loss ...
    I hope you'll take violets advice and have some grief counseling..it helps.
    *hug*
     
  11. agghie

    agghie Member

    Hi IV2010. Thank you for your response. I know it would help and really I feel I do need to do something. I am grateful I have a lot of support from people in this sad moment.