On 9th October 2010 I have lost one of the most "Special People" in my life to suicide. He was only 32. When i first met him 3 and half years ago he was finishing a long term relationship with his ex due to her cheating on him. They where linked on an emotional basis having gone through loads together and a daughter. I have been seeing him on and of for the 3 and half years but have always some how felt second best. Around seven or possibly eight months ago he apologised for all the wrong things he'd done to me over the years and said that he was a changed person and wanted me to give him a chance. Together we have a son who turned 2 on 9th October 2010, same day he committed suicide. He did not know it was his son's Birthday that day because we were not on talking terms when he was born. I was going to tell him on the Monday when we were supposed to meet. Over the months i was always on edge because expected him to do something wrong and upset me but all those months he had been perfect to me. The past month things had been going fantastic between us and for once in my life i felt we were going somewhere.The night he committed suicide he tried to contact me and several family members but non of us answered our phones. The one person he did speak to was his ex because she had contacted him to ask him if he would babysit their daughter the following day as she was supposed to go to a wedding. I am not aware about what they talked about however do know that he stated to her that this was it... it was final... and that he was going to commit suicide. His ex did not act on what he had said because apparantly he had said that he was going to commit suicide on other occasions to her. She has never informed any family members, friends nor professionals. Up till when he committed suicide nobody knew we were seeing each other nor that we had a child together. His ex suspected we had a child but he never admitted it to her. His family is aware of both me and my son and have welcomed us in their family and consider my little boy a miracle. On 11 October an hour prior to me going to see him I have received the phone call that has changed my life. Part of me has gone with him and my life will never be the same again. It has been the biggest shock of my life, there is a void and i cannot bare to think that i will never be able to speak, touch, kiss, see him again. I truly miss him immensly.