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Father Help :(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by WorriedSon, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. WorriedSon

    WorriedSon New Member

    Sorry for this long post. I just need some comfort and advice.

    It is basically my life story, and I need comforting advice. I emotionally don’t feel good at all right now.

    To start this rant off, my dad is a drunk. In fact, he’s not JUST a drunk, he’s an alcoholic.Since I was young (I’m 15 right now), I remember him drinking a lot of liqour and beer. The problems started escalating I think when he had job problems. Basically, he took his boss to court for “verbally abusing him”. During that period, I noticed my parents never did talk socially anymore and my dad would have a hotter temper than usual. Along with that, he would drink heavily; never a good sight.

    I was only 11 then, and I remember getting kicked while i was on the ground doing nothing at all. It was something I would never forget. During that time, I also remember my dad being verbally abusive saying “**** you” to my mom. It was again that same day where I had enough and called him something bad in my native language. He threw a plant pot at me and dropped drunk on the floor right after. Me and my mother ran to my room and locked it. It was another scarring event in my life.

    When the court case, my dad was deemed on sick leave for 1 year due to mental illness caused by abuse from the boss (with pay) and was granted money for the pain caused on him from his boss. He was a pretty happy man. Along these lines, in an attempt to make him a happier person overall, me and my mom threw him a big birthday bash, got us a family dog, and opened up a store which benefited us greatly.

    This is when my dad decided to put his career on hold and become the delivery man for our store; a decision he wanted to do. This was a big turning point in our lives. I thought everything was going to be happier overall, but it didn’t. I would soon notice my father resenting his job, my mom and out stores success. My dad also got much in debt, even the money he got from the case. He would call him self the delivery boy every now and then and drank just as much or even more than before. He had many fits, one where he ended up in a fight with my mom and threw a pop bottle at her and started calling her a *****. My mom broke down and cried, while I was there moderating everything, making sure my dad would not physically touch her.

    During the next year I noticed him coming home very late and coming home very drunk. It was the summer of that year which would change my life forever.

    My dad was supposed to have a routine checkup with a psychologist. He went around 6:00 and by 10:00 me and my mom were very worried. We texted him asking where he was. No response…until it was 11:00. My phone vibrated. As I read the text message I ran to my mom, broke down and had the cry of my life. I’m not going to get in detail as I’m getting very emotional right now, but it basically said “I’m killing my self. You’ll get my insurance money. **** you and your mom”. We called my aunt over and me and my mom sat there staring blankly into space, just wishing for my dad to be safe.

    The next day, he came home with a huge hang over. Me and my mom talked about a possible divorce, but later said to give him one more chance.

    After that day, I was gravely worried of him coming home late, hoping my worst nightmare would no longer repeat itself. And when I say gravely, every night, my stomach sank and my heart would beat as fast as it could until he came home.

    As time went on I grew out of it, and problems with my dad declined. We would go out more as a family, and everything seemed happier. I knew he still had money problems, and he would drink, but not as much. He stopped drinking hard liquor and only drank wine and beer. He would no longer get drunk as much as he did before.

    3 years later, I am now 15, and I just had another terrible experience this june. It was the night of my family’s vacation to Dominican republic. This was out first vacation in about 4 years. We were set to leave for the airport at 3:00 am, but my dad never came home very late. Very drunk and ruining our vacation. When he came home around 1:30, I was almost relieved and he took a shower getting ready to go. I was downstairs in my room, when I heard my parents fighting. i went near the stairs and hear them screaming so I go upstairs to again stop my dad from physically touching my mom. During this time period, my dad drinks about 5 FULL glasses of wine, and the more he drinks, the angrier he gets. He goes into the washroom and makes a violent scene. he was breaking everything in sight. This is where I decide to do something I never did before: call the police. I did this because I could see him hurting us any time now. They came in no longer than 5 minutes, and when they came in, the look my dad gave me was something I will never forget. He looked so angry. The police took him away to my aunts house for the night.

    When the police left, I asked my mom why he came home drunk on our vacation night and why they were fighting. My mom said a couple of months ago, my dad confessed to my mom he almost committed suicide with sleeping pills. My mom took away the keys from her store, as the sleeping pills were in there and she didn’t want him to be tempted. My dad found out that day that they were gone and said that my mom didn’t trust him.

    I was heart broken to think my dad would think of committing suicide again. Again me and my mom were talking about leaving him, or mutually agreeing to something, but we decided against it once again. I was strongly for it, but we realized that my dad could go on a violent rage (he knows where we live, my school, and where the store was) and he would be even more likely to commit suicide (he’s in debt and without our support, this would likely happen - God forbid). We decided to make this decision FOR him. Just for him.

    These past two months have been hard. It’s hard to look at my dad and think that he was the one that cared for me when I was young. I can’t see him as my dad anymore. As I type this and look back at all that he has done, the wrongs have definitely out shined the rights. He has hurt my more than anyone. And today, as I am typing, my dad is drunk asleep on the couch.

    My mother tells me that they got into a fight today. You see, my parents own a pharmacy where my mom is the pharmacist, and my dad delivers prescriptions. I can always sense a resentment of my dad to my mom, seeing how hes not the one with the main income. Basically, my mom is the boss, and my father is the employee. Today, my mom told my dad to come back to the pharmacy, as there was an urgent delivery - nothing special. He then picks a fight, calling my mom a bad word in my native language, and says that “it’s always you I have to follow,” screaming a lot more. He walked out of the pharmacy, and I now sense this could escalate into something big again. I have my phones ready, and cue sticks to act as a weapon of self defense. What should I do? I'm supposed to have a fun day tomorrow but I'm just not in the mood anymore :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your parents problems need to be settled by your parents. I think you trying to protect your mother is brave but you need to talk to someone about your feelings. Can you not stay at a relatives house until your dad gets some help Maybe he should think about detox treatment anger management classes but you and your mom should be else where until your dad gets help. Can you ask your mom if you can go to a relatives house for awhile and her too. Maybe time on his own will get him thinking what he is doing his harming you. I don't know if writing him a note on how you are so fearful and in pain might help Just glad you are here for support talk to you mom let her know how upset and afraid you are okay or antoher relative.
  3. WorriedSon

    WorriedSon New Member

    My dad recently voluntarily tried to quit alcohol. He was on medication for alcohol withdrawal, and was about successful for 2 weeks. Once my mom let him drink some wine, solely because of pity; unfortunately, he began drinking more and more. On weekdays and sundays, he drinks only max 2 glasses of wine a day, but on Saturdays, he goes to the bar and comes home drunk.

    I'm just worried today, he drank his anger out, which usually means he's going to come back in a drunken rage, or attempt to hurt himself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2009
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I am an alcoholic and I'm a member of AA. Has your dad ever been to AA meetings?

  5. WorriedSon

    WorriedSon New Member


    My dad is a very proud person, and I think he would think of himself as a lesser person by going to these meetings.

    I don't think he would be willing to go through with that.