Father is Liar....

[jjjoooggg2]

I talk to my book keeper and find that we have conflicting facts about our family. I've had to call my father a liar.

It hasn't been a year yet since my father said that I could leave the family business. But he hasn't said alot. I would have prefered if he said that I don't have to worry about him and that he wants me to be happy. He only said that I can leave because he thinks I'm selfish for wanting to and betraying the family. So in a way, he never said that he is okay with me leaving. Just a week ago, he said I couldn't leave because of his age and business situation. He's a hypocondriac. I am not expecting for any bright ideas. I just wanted to let someone out there know what kinda of guy he is.

I think my father is a narcissist. I know that psycological studies have showed causes and effects leading to even people like Hitler. But when is the individual responsible for his own decisions. My father is fake when he mourns over my brother's death. He really has a hate love for him. My best friend's mother said that my father doesn't want me to get married which contradicts what he's tellin everyone. Because he's hypocritical and doesn't know what he wants except that he consumed his life complaining and thinking about himself. He might as well live by himself.

He periodically complains how he had many girlfriends and why he didn't marry them. Well, he chose not to. He has himself to blame. If I could have lived in the city I wanted 20 years ago, I'd have married my girlfriend. But my father decided for me that business is everything. Well, he is aetheist, so I guess his God is business.

 

[Stranger1]

It sounds to me that you need to sit down with your father and have a heart to heart talk..Confront him with your questions in a nonthreatning tone of voice..I didn't talk to my dad for six years and one weekend I sat down with him and had a long talk..We cleared the air between us..It still hurts me the things he said to me but we at least talk and hug each other when we are around each other..

 

[carekitty]

Is there some reason you can't go ahead and leave the family business if that is what you want? It sounds like maybe dealing with your dad's issues right now is affecting how well you feel.

We can't always do much about people around us, even family. Sometimes we need to step away from them, in order to protect ourselves. We can still love them, but put a bit of distance in for our own safety.

I sure wish you well.

 

[jjjoooggg2]

I tried to talk to him at a Chinese restaurant three years ago. He made it clear by exploding and accusing me of exploding. Was the most angry I've ever seen him. And then he tells everyone he wants to communicate with me. I tried for 20 minutes to talk to him. But he kept interrupting and accusing me of being angry. Why would I be angry when I'm talking about my objectives a couples months after graduating college. He exploded again a couple weeks ago when I tried talking to him again. He basically, wants me to either to stay or pack up and leave with no conversation. I visited a psychiatrist once and by the end of our session, he told me to move to another city. And that I will know when I have to come back. But not to burn any bridges.

It is obvious that he is close minded and see nothing in his benefit in communication. He knows that communication will benefit me. So he wants to make it more difficult for me to leave. I see in retro that he is manipulative and self serving. He doesn't care about anyone. Everything is about title and prestige. He doesn't see anything deeper than that. He is shallow.

 

[carekitty]

It sounds like the therapist had good advice. You need to do whatever is best for your future. Don't burn bridges, but make your own life.

It does sound like your dad is attempting to manipulate you by becoming angry every time you try to talk to him. He is probably trying to control you by doing this.

There are a lot people who have an obsessive need to control others, and they use whatever means works, manipulation, guilt, anger, etc. We can't change these people, we can only protect ourselves.