father just exploded again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by run4fun, May 26, 2007.

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  1. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    may sound insignificant. but when my father gets upset or mad i feel like suicide. i am 37 years old. my brother and sister already have committed suicide. i feel like i will do it within several months. i just need to drive my buddy to the airport and get the techniques down.
     
  2. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    That's not insignificant!

    Are you going to be ok?
    Stupid question, I know, but I'm worried.
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Don't follow in the footsteps of your siblings. it is time to break the cycle. I know you can do it. Have faith in yourself that you can succeed. Stay safe hun. :hug:
     
  4. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    My father was a very angry man. I know as it was difficult for me and yes, I felt suicidal and attempted many times since I was in grade school. I am so very sorry, to hear that your brother and sister committed suicide. It doesn't mean that you have to. What I learned in my life, is called a suicidal trance. Like Gentlelady said, you can break the cycle and not go with it. Really..

    Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Please don't do anything.. I have been there many times and yeah, some reason, I am still here.. in ICU, etc.. so please, continue talking to us..don't do anything now.. give us a chance to be there for you.. I am here because of finding SF and yeah, was going to attempt again..seriously.. tired.. I have lost 9 people, close friends, and 2 family members to suicide.. I have been suicidal for a long time and self destructive.. SF has helped me make it this far.. You don't need to go there.. We care about you or we wouldn't be here. I hope you will reconsider for now.. allow us to help walk you through your pain and lean on us. So much pain in one's life.. It can end with you not following through with your plans.. please feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk to someone.

    You don't have to do it.. not now, okay.. the option is always there, yea, I know.. however; I know you are in deep pain and reaching out to us.. You didn't find us by accident. I hope you will continue talking to us so we can be there for you and supportive to you or talk to someone that you trust here.. I don't want to see you die.. You know Drew Barrymore? The actress, in her life, several family members to suicide and Mariel Hemmingway, another actress, has been in lots of movies and you probably don't recognize who they are. A generation curse.. You don't have to follow the same destiny but keep trying to find something to live for.. you are a wonderful person and I am glad that you are here..

    Love

    Tracie
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'd like to say don't feel bad for this. I'm very sensitive as well, my dad doesn't explode or anything but I trigger very easily. All he has to do is call me a loser or ask why I don't have any friends but my younger brother has several and then I really get down and depressed and suicidal, IMMEDIATELY, no matter how happy I am at the time.
    And I know it seems hard that your siblings commited suicide and so why shouldn't you? Yeah, please be strong, hang in there.
     
  6. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i am just now realizing that my father is manipulative and controlling to a higher degree. i will just not expect much from him anymore.

    if i could make my death look like an accident would be better for everyone.
     
  7. zapbone

    zapbone Member

    yeah, i grew up being beaten by my old man. i don't recall when the feelings of homicide turned into suicidal ones? maybe when the booze quit working? i'm sober a long time but still feel like a kid around the creep. i'm visiting the monsters (mother too) right now (everybody smile when the neighbors roll by.) it hurts. someone once told me that we spend our first ten years learning how to function in the world, and the remaining seventy trying to undo what we learned in the first ten. that's if we make it that far. the only thing that ever made me feel any better was smacking him around once i got big enough to.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2007
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