father's love

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by run4fun, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    it's been 13 years since my twin bro death. my father wants me to be buried furthest away from him. i was the closest person to him. my father want to be buried next to him. he was the meanest to him. he is always lying about me in public or accusing me of something i didn't do.
     
  2. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    So, are you mad at him? Your brother? Your Dad? Yourself?
     
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Try not to sweat it too much. Does it really matter after you are dead? These things will really be meaningless in the long run. You know the bond you had with your brother, and he knows it too. That's what truly matters.
     
  4. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i am upset at my father. i just graduated with physics degree. he's been tellin me to cook and box at the stores all my life since i was 12. i had not weekends off, missed all football games. missed every spring break during high school no summer vacation except 2 week christian camp. he doesn't want me to goto peace corps or teach high school or pursue anything else. i was going to go engineer but he was against that. i am 37 and will have to disown my family if i want independence.
     
  5. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i almost had no days off for the last 9 months. i got three days off because my friend came down from DC. otherwise, no days off. my bro had one day off the last year he died. he only thinks about money.
     
  6. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    if he'd appreciate me then it'd be okay. but then he grumpy and lyes about me in public, always dissatisfied. and doesn't want me to make schedule, doesn't want me to do interviews. he keeps the most troublesome employees. and others are complaining what's wrong with my father. i figured that with all the people not showing up because the way he keeps people who are troublemakers and no showes. i end up working 60 hours/week to fill in as cashier and cook. so in the long run he saves money for me filling in. one of the workers joked about me being the guy who fills in, not a real manager to a customer.
     
  7. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i was going to go to my friend's wedding. and he said that's ridiculous so many times. with airfare $200 round trip, i figured it wouldn't be that much trouble. he doesn't want me to celebrate new years with a friend. but has me waiting in his office for hours with no books on new years day as some kind of joke.
     
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You need to do what is best for you, and it sounds like persuing your own dreams is best. Tell your father that his dreams are not your dreams and that you are going to follow them. Tell him that if he wants a relationship with you, then he needs to respect that you are an adult who has the right to make his own decisions. If he can't do that, then that is no fault of yours and you need to do what will make YOU happy, not him. His choices are not your choices.
     
  9. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    he get's very upset if i talk about my pursuits. it would tear our family apart. i don't think i can handle moving out again like when i was 24.
     
  10. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    once i remember him laughin at me in front of his manager. and told me something and waved me to go away. we were in a restaurant and he said angrily, "just agree, just agree." another time just started jabbing his finger into the table for no reason. he says he doesn't know why he was mean to my bro. and my sister was disowned after she moved out. but my mother thinks it's because was interracial child. my sister committed suicide too.
     
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    OMG I'm so sorry about your bro and sis. You are 37 years old. If he is going to disown you for striking out on your own, then that's too bad, but it is HIS decision. He has right to control you at this point. You have a degree and the means of supporting yourself. Go out on your own and start a new life. If he cannot handle that, then it is his loss, but don't let yourself be abused in this way. Don't let him shatter your dreams.
     
  12. CRUSHED

    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    Hi there, :smile:

    Your situation is very similar to mine. My father is like that too. I hate him, and I can't wait till the day comes when I leave far far away.

    When I graduated from high school, I was an A student (teacher's pet), and I had a scholarship to the USA. But as expected my "dad" told me "that is ridicules, you don't need to go to college, stay home and get married".
    Imagine my feelings after that!!!
    The same thing he did at my friends wedding,

    Anyways, I'm about to graduate soon from college, I majored in Biology "I love it", and this summer im going to france
    for my research project.

    This is the short story.
    My point is "If you want something, work for it, and you WILL get it"
    It's just some people get easily and quickly, while others have to bleed for it.

    I want to STOP bleeding someday.

    If you can DREAM it, you CAN do it.
     
  13. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    there was a moment i noticed people sitting next to us, they could tell what was happening like many families are going through this. they had a solemn look. the father looked right in my eye.