fear coming back

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by crookxshanks, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i dont normally come into this part of the forum, and i feel like this post shouldnt belong here but i dont know where else to put it, because of feeling like ive dealt with that part of my life because hes gone and ive had so much therapy over it that i dont need him to be around anymore

    but the other day during an argument with my boyfriend i saw the look in my boyfriends eyes. the look i remember so well from my exfiances eyes just before he would do something. and i got so scared and terrified of him that he would do something. part of me knew he wouldnt but part of me kept saying hes going to any minute now and your going to be in that corner again, cowering with fear and pain. just like before

    ive seen the same look in my dads eyes.. right before he'd hit me. and im scared its all going to start up again. i dont know what to do. my boyfriend knows what happened but i cant get the thought that this could all happen again. and if i do have another relationship that that look will return. whether its my imagination or not. just the look in the eyes has me in a state.

    i honestly thought id dealt with that part of my life.. just not the look in the eyes it seems. and ive got to talk to my boyfriend about that look but dont know what to say

    its made all the flashabacks to it all more real again. all the pain real again. just from the look in someones eyes
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Mand I am so sorry you have had to experience that from so many..From everything you have told me about Simon I don't beleive he would harm you..I think I know the look your talking about. My dad used intimidation as we grew up. we would always cower from him in fear..The only one he physically abused was my brother because he didn't know better to keep his mouth shut. So my dad would beat him down with a belt in front of us so it would instill more fear. I carried that same fear into my adult life. I was finally able to let go two years ago when my dad and me sat down and had along talk.. He never knew how much damage he had caused and was truly remorsefull. I honestly don't think Simon would hurt you. The two of you are to much in love to let something like that come between you...
     
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    mand..
    you are absolutely right, to want to work on this. the fact that you are able to acknowledge this, is incredible. by acknowledging it, you can now, work to change it. whatever that takes.

    i know the look you speak of. . . . from a long ago physically abusive boyfriend. it is why i am still afraid of raised voices, or any confrontation. my cannot-be-ex-soon-enough..... has been only mentally cruel - however, these past weeks i have seen THAT LOOK , which has totally brought the past back and has made me re-live all the terror inside myself. i've only seen two people on the planet, give me ''THAT LOOK''.

    when you and S get to a stable place...i hope you can discuss this with him. i'm sure he loves you and would not harm you. but. never love someone so miuch that you'll accept mis-treatment from them.

    i'm always available to talk about this, if you need to. since i lived through it, and was able to move past it, having learned much.
    and...you know i am always going to be on your side ..... hand in hand. xx
     
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