Fear of getting hurt

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SAVE_ME, Apr 6, 2008.

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  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Ok...here goes...well, for a while now I've had this fear of being hurt (emotionally) by other people. I'm not sure what brought this on exactly, but a few years ago I did have a best friend who, one day, just "turned on me" and didn't wanna speak to me ever again. Still not sure what it is that I'm supposed to have done wrong. I guess that could be it. A few months ago though, I bumped into the same person online (via myspace) and we're back on speaking terms and pretty much pals again, after all those years. But still...whenever I meet new people, I tend to "put a guard up" so to speak, as though I'm preparing myself for some kind of inevitable "backstabbing" or "heartbreak". Call it paranoia, call it whatever, but I know I can't live like this anymore. I have to nip it in the bud - but how?!

    I also have a gf (it's an online relationship BTW) who I love to death! And I feel that my insecurities are going to drive her away from me.

    Damn it! It's preventing me from living a normal life. It's preventing me from socializing and making new friends because I feel that everyone has some kind of "hidden motive", and are gonna be all friendly, only to stab me in the back later. It's silly. I know I have no reason to doubt any of my friends or my gf or anyone really, but it still doesn't stop me from putting up this guard.

    I'm constantly on edge, thinking that if I let my guard down, then something's gonna happen and I'll get hurt. Has anyone ever felt like this before? And is there anyone who's managed to get over this sort of thing in the past? If so, how? And how long did it take? I really can't live this way...I just can't...
  2. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Well this isn't going to be the greatest thing to hear but I don't think you ever get over it completely. Believe it or not that feeling is beneficial. It's meant to help protect us but sometimes it can become too powerful. You can try to reduce it but it will take some time and effort.

    The thing you should focus on is with your gf. This may be the relationship most likely to get hurt by but it is also the most important to be completely open and trusting in order to reach its full potential.

    I don't really know exactly how to help. There is no set way. For me I made trust and respect something someone has to earn, no matter who they were. Then it was just a matter of slowly allowing myself to tell them more about me and letting them get closer as I determined them to be worth the risk of getting hurt.

    Everyone has the fear of getting hurt and a lot of the time you do get hurt. But like with a lot of life it takes a leap of faith/taking a risk in order to get to the great stuff in life. Eventually you realize that you did let your guard down.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Sean...I also live everyday with the fear of being terribly hurt...for me, it is one of the horrible vestigages of my childhood...although predictable, it is still so painful and frustrating at times...I have had to change my way of thinking about ppl, knowing that my first reaction will be one of fear, then telling myself, you really do not have to be afraid of __________...sometimes, this does work...good luck to you, and it would be nice if ppl who have overcame these issues posted their experiences...J
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i often feel this way. what makes rejection so painful for me is that i usually believe 1. it's all my fault and 2. it's evidence of my self-worth, or lack of in this case.

    thing is, no one person or thing is responsible. your friend had his/her reasons for ending the friendship. relationships end for a mix of reasons.

    separating out my negative interpretation from the 'facts' of the situation makes it less painful, in retrospect. hope that helps.
  5. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys, that helped :smile:

    I guess, after a while of getting to know a person, I tend to be a lot calmer round them, although deep down I still have a bit of a guard up. Then again, I suppose it's only natural for people to at least have a bit of a guard up, and I agree with Bigman2232, that feeling can be beneficial...but not when it gets out of control. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm just being silly, and don't have anything to be afraid of.
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