fear of relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by morning rush, May 7, 2009.

  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Okay, I'm 26 years old and I never been in a love relationship. When I was 21 I lost my virginity to a guy whom I decided not to see ever again. It was the second time I saw him and he came to my apartment. I guess I'd been so deprived of affection that when he wanted to do it, I did it. But he kept moving me around, and then when we were done, he left to go to work and I just felt so ashamed. I cried for a long time. He wanted to see me again but I broke it off. I got really scared and also some of the stuff he said to me was kind of weird. He was telling me how I'm going to have to change my wardrobe and wear glasses. He kept saying that I wasnt big enough, that he was going to feed me. Now I'm already chubby. I don't want to be bigger. Also he kept ordering me to walk naked in my appartment even if the blinds are open. Telling me I shouldn't be ashamed. He tried taking pictures of me naked but I was smart enough to have a shirt on. He also said that he was going to tape us next time.

    I don't know but after that, I was completely turned off to relationships.

    Last saturday though I went out and a guy was interested in me. I didn't expect it and ever since that day, I've been thinking about maybe having a relationship but I've got so much bagage that I don't think any guy would want to stay with me.

    At the same time, I think I'm petrified of having a relationship. I mean I've been alone so long that I dont see myself with anyone but I would like to have someone. I just keep thinking of all the bad stuff that would repulse anyone.
  2. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    i fear that a relationship would just be break up sooner or later. I feel more comfortable being alone.

    I am afraid to be in one too.
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i'm older than both of you ((didn't check, but i am one of the oldest here. . . :rolleyes: just sayin)) and i have been in a few relationships.

    i was hurt badly, in many ways, by the last one. and 5 years of my life down the drain.

    i am also afraid of getting hurt, and therefore, afraid of a relationship. but i think taking chances allows us to grow, and to learn, and to experience emotions and places in our heart, that we would never see, if we just hid away.

    hiding is safest. i know. i have a rock i go under , lol , but i do think it is worth it in the long run, to work to overcome our fear of relationships.

    just my opinion - wish you the best (((hugs)))
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Honestly that guy sounded like a real creep.

    I hope one bad experience doesn't turn you off of relationships for life.

    That's a part of life nobody should miss out on.(look who's talking...:rolleyes:)
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I understand your reluctance. When you do pursue a relationship, take things slow. That way, you get to know a lot more about the person you like.
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I agree with thr reply above. Take it slow. Get to know each other a bit before continuing with a loving type of relationship. Also don't be dicouaged if it doesnt work out. Keep going out and keep to your standards and you'll be fine.
  7. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    I believe it's important to understand that one bad relationship doesn't mean all relationships are, or will be, a bad experience.

    If you're interested in getting in a relationship with that new guy who is interested in you, I would suggest to simply take it slow, and then once you two get to know each other more and if you still both like each other, it will just sort of feel natural to really be into a relationship, and less/if any fear.
  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    thank you for responding to my message...

    now a days, people move on so fast, I wonder if I'll ever get someone that understands me...and will be willing to wait...
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    that person sounds - i don't know. he sounds like he might have hurt you in some way doing what he did? it's no wonder you're scared. i've been through similar experiences and it's made me feel scared and awful and that people would take advantage of me.

    you have the sweetest avatar btw. :smile:
  10. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I think I went too fast...and that's something I should have waited until I was really ready...but the friends I had at the time made me feel like I wasn't normal because I was still a virgin at 21....

    thanks :)