Okay, I'm 26 years old and I never been in a love relationship. When I was 21 I lost my virginity to a guy whom I decided not to see ever again. It was the second time I saw him and he came to my apartment. I guess I'd been so deprived of affection that when he wanted to do it, I did it. But he kept moving me around, and then when we were done, he left to go to work and I just felt so ashamed. I cried for a long time. He wanted to see me again but I broke it off. I got really scared and also some of the stuff he said to me was kind of weird. He was telling me how I'm going to have to change my wardrobe and wear glasses. He kept saying that I wasnt big enough, that he was going to feed me. Now I'm already chubby. I don't want to be bigger. Also he kept ordering me to walk naked in my appartment even if the blinds are open. Telling me I shouldn't be ashamed. He tried taking pictures of me naked but I was smart enough to have a shirt on. He also said that he was going to tape us next time. I don't know but after that, I was completely turned off to relationships. Last saturday though I went out and a guy was interested in me. I didn't expect it and ever since that day, I've been thinking about maybe having a relationship but I've got so much bagage that I don't think any guy would want to stay with me. At the same time, I think I'm petrified of having a relationship. I mean I've been alone so long that I dont see myself with anyone but I would like to have someone. I just keep thinking of all the bad stuff that would repulse anyone.