I'm not sure where, if at all, I should be posting, but the last two nights action have indicated I should. I cannot sleep. If frustates me that I can't sleep so I have taken sleeping pills and alochol too (not dangerous amounds). I am feel "weird" not but still can't sleep. I am also taking a long time to post this as I keep making spelling mistakes. I like profection. I know I am getting really really stressed about going back to work next week. So don't want to do. Can't face the people, the snide comments about how I shoudn't be doing this job with my mental health probs and even shouldn't be working here any more. People there aren't tactful in the slightest and say things as they think them. I understand it 's pressure in the job, and to make like the right of situations to get though them, but I don't know if I can even face them. I still cry all the time. Turn to H when things get reall bad. I also spent today with agony kidney stone pain and Id rather have that then having to go to workl I know I am not ready for work but dont know when i will be ready to go back but work want to know; But I also know I will put on my "pretend smile " and say that "I'll be fine" as that is all anyone wants to hear. I't going back into the prefend, false worth or everything just being okay. Then when i get home I explode into myself and lose control of what I do. Wnat it to do away or I want to go anyway and hide from it all. againk, sorry for ht ebad tying etc. I haven' taken anything illegal but a bit more that I shoudl as the normal does did nto work"