fear, pain, lonelyiness, neglect

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by aloneinpain, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. aloneinpain

    aloneinpain New Member

    Since I was about 12, I've had constant back pain from both scoliosis and kyphosis... I can generally manage, but once every couple months i'll fall into a dark place for about a week or two at a time... I grew up in an overbearing, overly protective household with absolutely no freedom to make my own decisions or go out with friends. Because of this I married straight out of high school just to escape and get some modicum of control over my life. My bad... At first things went fine in my marriage, he understood and sympathized with where I had been, but then fast forward 4 years and all he wants is to be his own man and his interest in me doesn't extend beyond satisfying certain appetites while his responsibility toward me he feels only entails providing financially for me. Recently I have been having random stomach pain attacks that are disabling and so intense that they cause me to vomit... We went to the Urgent Care and they said after running a few tests that it looked like maybe i was just constipated and to use a laxative. With a sigh of relief I apologized for having him sit there with me for the 3 hours it took for all the test results to come back just for it to be something so ridiculous... but the doctor was wrong. I have since then continued to have random disabling attacks of abdominal pain for which no OTC medicine even touches... We were out for dinner tonight and one struck and i told him I needed to go to the UC, and he told me to just drop him off at the house first and go by myself. I told him this pain was too intense and frightening to deal with on my own, and he said "why don't you just take another crap?" in a biting and spiteful manner, belittling the pain I was in. This is the second time within 3 days that I've been in this pain and he has completely written me off, last time we were at a friend's house and he was partying and I had an attack and he told me to drive myself home and he'd catch a ride when he was good and ready to leave. When I ask him to go to the UC he tells me I'm stupid and need to grow up and be a woman and handle it by myself. When I'm huddled over in pain he tells me how annoying it is to be married to someone who's like a 60 yr old woman, always sick or in pain. HE VOWED IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE THE SAME AS I HAVE! I have stuck at his side through a lot of sh*t these past 4 yrs, and he can't be bothered to hold my hand and have my back as I seek further testing and relief from this terror that now is my stomach.

    I am alone. At any moment the pain could strike. I pray for death every night as I lay my head down to sleep.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun he is an ass and you deserve better then this. You go to hospital your doctor and you make him or her hear you that this pain is crippling could be your appendix it could gallbladder attacks but you go and get a total checkup okay ultra sound ect You don't and should not have to put up with this pain hun. Your husband well maybe time to just start looking after you now okay. hugs
     
  3. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I hate loneliness too and am in the same boat as you. I wish I could offer good advice but really can't.
     
  4. mistyeye

    mistyeye Member

    I am sorry. I know how lonely it is to feel alone in a marriage.

    The first thought I had about your abdominal pain after eating was possibly you could have celiac disease or a wheat allergy?

    Take care hon,
    E.