I'm so tired of living in fear, I never used to be like this or maybe I just masked it from myself. I wake up with a hopeless feeling of facing another day,I can hardly get myself to leave the house. Can't even figure out what my fears all are, I know one is of going crazy or losing control. Another is of being unable to look after myself, my back injury has become increasingly worse with arthristis setting in, some days my back locks up where I can't straighten up or even walk. Since my Mom died last year I feel very alone and it's been a worse, all my life I've been nervous around people with panic attacks so I pretty well have isolated myself. The last months have been increasingly worse and I don't know what to do. The periods of this used to last a few days then I'd get a little better and more optimistic, this last period is going on a week now. I'm waiting on a psych consult and waiting and waiting.....I don't even know if that will help. I'm tired of being in physical and mental pain all the time, I'm tired of FEAR.....it's dibilitating, it's torture. I'm losing my hope and entering despair. I don't even know why I'm sharing, maybe because I never have been upfront with people where my problems are concerned, I'm usually the one who listens to others and encourages. My life is a disaster, my house is a shambles from not doing housework, I can't motivate myself to do anything. I wish there were a way out, I think even my dog is tired of me cause I can't take her on the long walks in the woods we used to go on. I hate being a shiner, I just HURT.