Fear

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PenguinExMachina, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. PenguinExMachina

    PenguinExMachina New Member

    Right now, fear is what is keeping me here. I don't know what to do. I feel compelled to get help. My T urges me to have another check-in person. She knows I've had thoughts in the past but she doesn't know how bad it truly is. How much I struggle every day just to stay here. Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of her the truth. Afraid of telling someone else. I'm afraid of going through with it. It paralyzes me and I don't know where to go from here, but I know that I can't keep doing this. I can't make it much longer. And I'm afraid. Of what I'm going to do. If I fail. If I actually succeed. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. I'm glad you are still here. I think that having someone to talk to daily is a good idea. Just a short conversation with someone can make a difference.
     
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I don't know what more to say than I feel for you and I'm sorry you're going through this. xx
     
  4. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello Penguin,

    I hate to hear that you are having such a rough time. Do you understand why we get suicidal thoughts? (I am suicidal too) If not would you like for me to explain it to you. Feel free to read my story below in green and know that you are not alone in this struggle.

    Is there something in your life that is really stressing you out? Maybe if you told us what was stressing you out, we could help you out better with that?

    Feel free to IM/PM me anytime.

    take Care
     
  5. Miltons4l

    Miltons4l Member

    Hello.
    If you're afraid of telling anyone else face-face, then take a deep breath and tell your story here. It would be a good start. Have you posted in "My Story" yet? Getting things off your mind and sharing what's bothering you generally has a positive effect. It helped me just to get it out.
    Hang in there.
     
  6. PenguinExMachina

    PenguinExMachina New Member

    Thank you all for the replies. I'll try getting things off my chest. I'll check out the "My Story" board, thank you for the suggestion.
    The suicidal thoughts haven't subsided. Although I've dealt with this illness a long time, I've never actually learned why they pop up.
    I think that's mostly why I'm in this place (the low). I've been battling for so long. The realization that it's been ten years and I haven't beaten this thing yet....and the fear that I might possibly never beat it, it's overwhelmingly heartbreaking. I can't keep doing this.
     
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    It's so difficult to accept that we have to live with long term illnesses. I was so resentful and bitter when I realized I would never beat depression and anxiety. I felt helpless and kind of felt like I was given a bad deal in life. But after some time, and accepting it, I am now able to manage it. I still hate it, but I can find ways to function and live with it to my best ability. It still sucks sometimes though.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am so sorry you are going through all this. Does your therapist know why you are feeling the way you are and why it is so persistent? I really hope you find answers and a solution, welcome to SF, hope you benefit from being here with like minded people. Please stay safe and take care.