fed up, and tired, and leaving for real

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jun 22, 2010.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am so fed up with certain people who call themsaelves friends.. i mean really.. my dad has cancer and wanted to go see his brother up north, well his rep payee gave up money to take him up there, we leave and get stranded. dad's rep payee can;t give us any more money until the 1 st 3 rd or 15 th of the month because that is the only time they do checks. we had 2 flat tires on an RV. so i ask a friend to post it online and ask for anyone who can help and all becvause dad,s rep will give them the money right back, well i get home finally and look online and people are blaming me it;s my fault for going on so much, not looking at thinfgs, checking things, etc.. so i posted just so they would not worry that i did make it back..

    well some friends i have... i get critized when i am trying my best to survive without losing it, but i am fed up. i am hurt so freeking bad it ios not funny anymore. they think i aint got the guts well by grab i am going to show them. io am going to show them all.

    they hurt me for the last time..

    they don't care so what is the pioint in me being here either?

    so screw them all..
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi white dove.. (pretty name btw)

    maybe your friends were trying to advise you.. rather than criticizing ? i know i often mix up the 2..
    try not to let them get you down.. easier said than done though sometimes x

    take care :hug:

    p.s. did you used to have a different user name? i recognise your avatar.. and can see you have been registered for a while x
  3. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi White Dove, Mandy has a good point there. Maybe they are trying to advise you.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i highly doubt that.. so does this sound like they are? to me it is my fault.

    quote from w.


    I got your PM. I am glad you reached home safely.

    The people on the forum tried to help you but you would not listen.
    When Blackheart posted his warning about buying a used RV, he wrote from
    experience. I am sorry you did not heed his advice and went ahead and
    bought that RV. You could have rented one for the money the rep-payee
    sent you and it would have been in good condition. But you chose to go
    ahead and buy the RV knowing how limited your money was. Now, you have
    the added expense of licensing it and maintaining it. Please don't
    blame the people on the forum. You did not listen to good advice and
    you wound up causing your self, your dad and your brother and his family
    a lot of grief. It was entirely your decision. Every time you make a
    decision like that one, you end up causing yourself many problems. So,
    please, in the future stop and consider what you are doing and what
    consequences will result when things go wrong. Take your limited
    resources into consideration. You will be a much happier person for
    doing so. You expected the people on the forum to come to your aid and
    it was not going to happen. Their resources, and mine, are limited. No
    one could afford to send you any money to bail you out of your
    situation, not even the rep-payee. We really prayed that you and your
    dad would have a great trip. I was not aware that your brother and his
    family were on the trip also.

    I know to what you are referring when you told me goodbye in your PM.
    Be sure that your burial insurance will pay for your burial. If you
    commit suicide, I will not officiate at your funeral. If you commit
    suicide, you will hurt your dad badly. Think about that, too. I know
    things are difficult for you right now, but consider who is to blame -


    end quote..

    yeah it is my dang fault.. well lets see how is it my fault.

    1 = dad's rep payee is goverment, they made me buy an RV instyead of renting one FAULT #1 = I obeyed them and did what they told me to do

    2 = Dad's rep gave us only $1000 to go to indiana on in a big 454 v-8 motorhome..37 foot. FAULT 2 = We askwed for more but his rep payee said that should be enough and if we needed anything to call her.

    3 = We made it up there but on the way back we had 2 flat tires. RV calls for 8R 19.5 tires, no one in that city had the tires and could not order one, so we limp ( drive on the flat inner tire on the back for 45 miles to a rv camp site ) we make phone calls on monday morning and dad's rep payee can't give us another check until the 1 st of the month, their computer system will not let them print out checks but only on the 1 st, 3 rd, and 15th here we are stranded at a campsite with 100 bucks for gas. we finially find a tire place and they will come out and change both tires and put us new tires on it for 630. so i askl this W. to post online if anyone can help and they get their pay back ( because dad has plenty of money in the bank ) on the first of the month - FAULT 3 = I trusted friends that were really not friends at all.. they all say it's my fault. well you know what it is all my fault.. my fault for

    1 - caring and trying to give dad's last wish

    2 - for obeying a goverment program that is over dad's check and taking the trip

    3 - for trusting the guy we bought the rv off of that it had new tires, which they looked new ( but the guy never told us the rv had been sitting for a while ) the tires still had the stickers and paper on them, they did look brand new, but i was dumb and stupid as usual

    so yeah it's my fault and i am fed up and i am leaving and i don't give a crap what they say or think becauise they don't care anyway. they backed me into a corner too manty times and this is the last time. period!

    mandy, and flowing river thanks for your kind words! and i have always been whitedove
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    oh yeah and he states i caused a lot of greif, well i wont be able to do that anymore soon..
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :arms: :hug: :hugtackles: :cheekkiss:
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