im so fucking fed up of being so nice to people. i dont know why i bother. i know i sound selfish, but why the hell am i being so nice to everyone else and being so nasty to myself? do i deserve this? do i deserve to feel this pain? i guess i do. but i dont think other people deserve my kindness. gosh i sound like a right idiot right now. but i do try so hard to make people happy and care so much about them. but it just gets shoved back in my face. i really dont have the energy to be nice to them all anymore. im exhausted myself just trying to keep myself alive, i dont think i can care anymore. ive lost all hope. gosh. im just bitter now. im sorry for posting so much. its the only place i can get things out of me. urgh. i can feel the end is near. ive been holding on for so long, but i know im losing grip. my bitterness is my next step towards my suicide being the right time. fuck. i hate this world. i hate how ive been treated. i hate the way other people get treated. theres so many fucked up things going on. why the hell would anyone want to live here??? really. ive got nothing left in me anymore. i am empty. i need to cut to see if i am still alive. but i dont have the energy to even do that. im questioning my life. WHY am i here. i literally can not think of ONE reason. fuck.