Fed Up with my life, want to die soon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anuprav, Dec 17, 2009.

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  1. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    for last 10 years I am going through very bad phase. I have not seen any success till now, only failures and monetary loss.

    I got married in the year 1998 and I found that the girl was much older than me.

    My family members does not used to like her and they used to send her home frequently. My so called wife used religious activities to woo me but I caught hold of her.

    With this I cam into contact with another girl and married her quietly.

    But this my family members came to know and after this further hell started of my life.

    Now they like my earlier wife and are very good to her.

    I am not allowed to move anywhere. A strict watch is kept on me. Each and every information is taken from my office.

    My mobile phones are tracked.

    I have tried few failed attempt of suicide.

    Now I was planning to go to Goa from 24th Dec till 4th Jan 2010 with my new wife. Now my family members are creating a hell lot of it.

    I just want to die now.
     
  2. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Family can make things so difficult sometimes, can't they? They are probably ticking you off terribly, but in their hearts, they probably think they are doing right. Stay strong and let your new wife help you through it so you can find lots of your own inner strength too.
     
  3. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    My new wife is supporting me very well. My family is just making my life very difficult.

    I am not allowed to go anywhere. If I am late in reaching office or reaching home then they put more than 100 questions.

    I am in great depression all the time.
     
  4. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Have you tried talking to them calmly about it? Maybe they don't understand exactly how much they put you down by playing 20 Questions every time you leave the room.
     
  5. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    I have tried so many times but they hardly understand it.

    They will understand when I will die and will not be no more.
     
  6. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I know that there is a solution to the problem that is not permanent. It is a temporary problem and death is a permanent fix. Perhaps you could try having your wife talk to them? Maybe a party they know less will make it easier for them to be open minded and open eared.
     
  7. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    Even doctors who were treating me had a session with my mother but she is not even ready to listen to them.

    For every thing I have to fight for that.

    Ever since today I told them that i will be going out next week, they started saying to me that you move out of the house and have already made n numbers of calls to me threatening me that I should cancel the tickets and should not go.

    Even I was to leave for Mumbai tomarrow but have cancelled the programme due to all this kind of attitude.
     
  8. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    I feel for you :blub: :hug:

    It's horrible when others want to control you all the time.......it's all about them.....
     
  9. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    My office bag is also checked by my mom.
     
  10. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    My God...........I know it sounds silly....but what about your privacy?Isn't it illegal to invade someone's privacy like that?I don't know how the laws are there....still............what is their explanation,why are they doing this??
     
  11. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    Wherever I go whether for a party or out of town. The moment I get a ring from my Home I started shivering. :mad:
     
  12. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    Re
    I know how that's like.......even if my therapist was a bad joke.......my parents never listened to her when she tried to explain them that they are to blame as well for my condition......they just listened to what they WANTED........and then blamed me for manipulating her........lol.........she was playing both sides though in the end......she told me what I wanted to hear and told them what they wanted to hear...........so much for doing her freaking job and helping people out.........
     
  13. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    Here no privacy laws. They check my bag to see what all I carry. As my second wife stays in a rented place near my office so they check in order to locate the address, if anything I have bought for her, any travel plans of me.

    I was carrying a Rent Agreement, Air Conditioning Invoice and tickets.

    So through this they came to know where she lives now (But from that address I have already Shifted her long time Back), the AC I bought for her and my travel ticket for tomarrow (this I have already cancelled).

    If I take a tough stand then my mother becomes ill due to which I keep my self mum.
     
  14. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    Very True same thing happend in my case and same blame game on me.
     
  15. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    Some sort of emotional blackmail?
    Sounds like my dad.......he becomes sick whenever I am out having fun somewhere ,go figure................or whenever my mom is out.......
     
  16. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member


    Yep,like we (WHO WANNA DIE NOT PARTY,HELLOOOO!!!) are in the mood to play games and manipulate shrinks.........damn,they had no idea that all I did when I was with my therapist was blaming MYSELF in the first place and cry and feel horrible.
     
  17. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    Yes emotional blackmail with me.
     
  18. anuprav

    anuprav Member

    I cry almost daily and awake whole night. Quietly smoking in the balcony.

    Today will buy the deadly dose from my chemist and will give a final try so that I at least I will be free from all this daily nagging.

    Crying sitting in the office.
     
  19. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    I think we need to regain control over our lives........I just have no idea where to start and it's killing me.......I am so tired..............I lost the will to fight with all the bs.......I just want them all to back the hell off!But they don't!Did you ever talk to them?What is the reason they're doing this,what do they say?"I am doing this because it's the best thing for you"?What?Mine used to say it all the time which always proved they don't trust me and my decisions.
     
  20. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    Please don't do it.....not yet........please.......I can't promise there's a way out,I don't find it either...just wait at least one more day and talk to us......
     
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