Finally got out of bed after a struggle. Today's angst caused by feelings of not being good enough. I'm plain, boring, pointless and not fun, attractive or exciting enough for my husband. Perhaps it says more about what he needs or wants from life that he cheats consistently and uses chat sites to meet woman who are far more attractive than me. I messaged one of them and told her he was marrie. Her pity for me made me want to kill myself there and then. He promised to make it up and that he'd prove he loved me. I still go to bed on my own and he stays up long into the night. I don't understand how he can say he loves me and doesn't want to loose me. This is just one of my problems that happens to be getting to me right now. This feeling of being low and done just isn't leaving. I feel like I'm hanging on for something but I don't know what. Maybe I'm just waiting for the right time to leave this life or maybe somethings still to happen that will change things I don't know. The markers move often. One for living and one for suicide.