Fed up!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by *domino*, Nov 23, 2007.

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  1. *domino*

    *domino* Guest

    .. of life.

    long story cut short, my dads an alcoholic and he used to hit me and my mum, the earliest memory of it all i have is standing at the top of the stairs watchign my dad strangling my mum and tryin to stab her withhis car keys her throat. since then weve had the police round for attacking me, hes broke my mums nose, trashed the house, chased us around the house down the street and muchmore. it all started after i was born when he hit her over the top of my cot so therefore i feel its my fault that they suffer this. ive been harming myself for years even hitting myself with a bowling pin as its the heaviest thing in my room. i stopped fora while due to having a new boyfriend and him disagreeing and all that. ive been kiked out of my home by my dad coz when he styarts it turns into a fight, so im here sleepin on my boyfriends bedroom floor. he keeps sayin im boring and treats me like a slave he even calls me a doormat and its starting to get to me, he no longer likes spending time with me and wont let me sit by him i have to sit on the floor. im not alowed to go on msn to talk to my friends that have gone to uni. ive got no one my family dusnt want me im just in my boyfriends way hes told em i know where the door is btu where have i got to go. im just worthless unwanted and useless i look like a tramp and cant even look respectabel. ive started cutting myself again on my feet so he wont see it but im getting used to the pain and im not sure if itll get wore. i just want to dissapear and not coem back theres not a day that goes by i dont think about jumping of a bridge thats near us that many people have killed themselves jumping off it.

    sorry for the essay just looking to relate to someone :)
     
  2. lil-sis-one-of-two

    lil-sis-one-of-two Well-Known Member

    Hi ya

    I just read your story, its sounds awful.
    I also blame myself for the things that have gone wrong in my life, but it is never your fault your dad has a mind of his own he knows what he is doing, he can't blame you for his own weaknesses.

    If you need to talk I am here.

    :hug:
     
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug:

    PM me if you would like to talk
     
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Your Dad is a dick and your BF is a dick. You remember the earliest time your Dad hit your Mom but I guarantee you that it was not the REAL first time, just the first time you remember. Your BF is a reflection of your Dad. Dump that fuck and get on with your life...really. Essentially (and I'm psychoanalyzing you here) your BF is a replacement Father, so you allow this prick to act like your Father and abuse you like your Dad abused your Mom. Stop the cycle NOW and find a guy who is worth your time and effort. You deserve better and can get it, but only if you decide to dump this asshole RIGHT NOW.
     
  5. *domino*

    *domino* Guest

    thank you both for the offer to talk i just dont know where to start thats the trouble i have

    anastasia - i actually started thinking that, i let him do this to me because it feels normal and im usedto it type of thing if that makes sense i read it somewhere that that can happen. all i have is him and i love him if i loose him i have nothing and no1, its like a big trap
     
  6. wish it was over

    wish it was over New Member

    i knw hw u feel.. the problem is cnt leave some one u love no matter hw much they hurt u . my partner hits me eveytime he gets mad, his dad used to beat him up so he thinks its ok.. no matta what ppl say u cnt walk out on some one u love . try to look in the mirror and say to ur self " i can do this im a strong person" i also cut my self alot - i do it to punish me and only me.

    is there no ther family u can go to? i knw its hard but try not to let ur bf runur life - friends are so important xxx:smile:
     
  7. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    You deserve better than that, and so does your mom. Can't you and your mom leave your dad and go live someplace else? I know it may be a big upheaval, but it can't possibly be worse than it is now, can it?
     
  8. *domino*

    *domino* Guest

    yer i self harm to punish myself too, and i know i dotn wanna leave him coz i love him
    do a lot of people on here self harm or just think about it?
    and my mum wont leave my dad i have 2 younger sisters too i remember her saying she wudnt kno how to cope wich is true i suppose

    lifes shait
     
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: I know it seems normal to you, but he is wrong. I'm sure he says he's sorry and he makes you feel safe when he wraps you up in his arms. Guys like this make all the decisions so you don't have too and that can be a relief. But he will never stop. It will only get worse and you might even die. You deserve someone who loves you too much to ever hurt you.
     
  10. *domino*

    *domino* Guest

    i still feel its me so no matter who im with itll keep happenin coz im a horrible person n i just piss everyone off. n i do love him maybe i should stop lettin him walk all over me thats all
     
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