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Feeing Really Out of Control

Tor

SF Supporter
#1
It’s been a few weeks now that I have been feeling actively suicidal. It seems like things just continue to spiral. I feel like a friendship that I value dearly, is coming to an end because of time constraints. I admit to having rejection issues, but the rejection from this person is too much to bear. And to feel like they no longer care, is starting to feel like a last straw
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#3
Hi @Hypnosis and thank you for caring response. Unfortunately, I don’t believe things will ever return to the way they were, due to her being in a new job title that drastically reduces the time we can see one another. I understand the changes and accept them. But during the little bit of time we get, it’s becoming hard for me to tell if we aren’t as close as we used to be, or if it’s just her having a lot on her plate
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#4
Hey there, Tor—
I’m sorry you’re going through this. As someone whose been through it a time or two, too... all I can say, or suggest is, that if she has reached a stage & a place where she no longer values your friendship on the level she once did, or that you do - to the point where she’s not even finding you worth the effort to put in the time. Then maybe it’s time for you to stop wasting so much of yours (on the energy necessary to please that which can no longer be pleased)? Don’t know if you see therapy, but if you do they may have some helpful suggestions, ideas &/or techniques to help you process through the difficulties of these emotions (which, with time will become easier to handle, due to the way in which they subside). Which is clearly not now... unfortunately! : ) good luck 🍀.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#5
Even if the quantity of her communications with you diminishes with the newly imposed time constraints, what should not, is the quality. . . In other words, she could let you know how much she cares, or that you still matter with one or two lines (maybe less~)! :)
 
#6
Hey, Tor. It sounds like you're going through a challenging time. You said you have rejection issues and that can make someone sensitive to predicting rejection before it happens. It's a way to protect the self. It's a type of self defence. I wonder if your friend hasn't directly rejected you but has a lot on her plate (sounds like she has lots of time restraints). That can feel like rejection. I'd probably feel rejected too. However, for the moment it could be that she is genuinely busy with work and suddenly has a lot more work responsibilities - I'd probably need a bit of time to adjust to a new, more demanding position and she trusts you enough to still be there when she's able to give you time. We can hope it has a positive spin: rather than give you half an ear and a short time, she'd rather give you her full attention for longer when she is able to. If her job is demanding, those are her two options and she might be going for the second one. Let's hope so!
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#7
It’s been a few weeks now that I have been feeling actively suicidal. It seems like things just continue to spiral. I feel like a friendship that I value dearly, is coming to an end because of time constraints. I admit to having rejection issues, but the rejection from this person is too much to bear. And to feel like they no longer care, is starting to feel like a last straw

Hey Tor, I know how crappy it feels to find yourself becoming less relevant to someone who is important to you. You go from being what felt like a higher priority in someone's life to being someone they just try to fit into their schedule when they get a chance. Sadly, that's what often happens when people's lives change and they start to prioritize other life stuff. Of course you know this, that's just the way life works, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt and it doesn't make us feel so good about ourselves either. I mean it is essentially a type of loss.

But I also agree with what @AnonNK says above. As she adjusts to the demands of her new job, she may just need some time to come up with a new work-life balance where she still can make some quality time for you too. Give it some time maybe and see how it unfolds.
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#8
Hey there, Tor—
I’m sorry you’re going through this. As someone whose been through it a time or two, too... all I can say, or suggest is, that if she has reached a stage & a place where she no longer values your friendship on the level she once did, or that you do - to the point where she’s not even finding you worth the effort to put in the time. Then maybe it’s time for you to stop wasting so much of yours (on the energy necessary to please that which can no longer be pleased)? Don’t know if you see therapy, but if you do they may have some helpful suggestions, ideas &/or techniques to help you process through the difficulties of these emotions (which, with time will become easier to handle, due to the way in which they subside). Which is clearly not now... unfortunately! : ) good luck 🍀.
Thanks so much @MisterBGone for your thoughtful response. You make some very solid points, particularly with the first one about me wasting my time. I have been told this by others as well. For some reason, it’s just so hard for me to let go. It’s like I have her on a pedestal so I don’t really see the things that are there that I just don’t want to see. I hope that makes sense. I know I will have to make a decision one day. This particular friend isn’t great with emotions, so I’ve always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I looks like I still have a lot to think about, but I sincerely appreciate your insights *hug
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#9
Hey, Tor. It sounds like you're going through a challenging time. You said you have rejection issues and that can make someone sensitive to predicting rejection before it happens. It's a way to protect the self. It's a type of self defence. I wonder if your friend hasn't directly rejected you but has a lot on her plate (sounds like she has lots of time restraints). That can feel like rejection. I'd probably feel rejected too. However, for the moment it could be that she is genuinely busy with work and suddenly has a lot more work responsibilities - I'd probably need a bit of time to adjust to a new, more demanding position and she trusts you enough to still be there when she's able to give you time. We can hope it has a positive spin: rather than give you half an ear and a short time, she'd rather give you her full attention for longer when she is able to. If her job is demanding, those are her two options and she might be going for the second one. Let's hope so!
Hi @AnonNK! I sincerely appreciate your response. I never considered that I could be protecting myself from rejection before it happens, but once I read that, something really clicked. The projection is very real here, and could be making me more emotionally sensitive toward her than needed. This is an eye-opener for me. I hope things will work out once some time has passed and there has been time for adjustments. You have definitely given me a lot to work with in the meantime. Thank you for that *hug
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#10
Hey Tor, I know how crappy it feels to find yourself becoming less relevant to someone who is important to you. You go from being what felt like a higher priority in someone's life to being someone they just try to fit into their schedule when they get a chance. Sadly, that's what often happens when people's lives change and they start to prioritize other life stuff. Of course you know this, that's just the way life works, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt and it doesn't make us feel so good about ourselves either. I mean it is essentially a type of loss.

But I also agree with what @AnonNK says above. As she adjusts to the demands of her new job, she may just need some time to come up with a new work-life balance where she still can make some quality time for you too. Give it some time maybe and see how it unfolds.
Hi @Dark111, and thank you so much for taking the time to response to me. Saturday was a super rough day. You are so right about the pain that comes with changing relationship dynamics. This is one thing in life I don’t do well with at all, and it hurts so much.

I agree with your idea of giving things time and seeing what transpires. That’s pretty much all I can do, but in the meantime, it has been super helpful talking to people like you. The insights I received in this thread have helped so much. Thank you, my friend *hug
 

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