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Feel a bit silly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Astrogirl, Jun 1, 2015.

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  1. Astrogirl

    Astrogirl New Member

    This is my first post on here and to be fair I feel a bit of a fraud as although I think everyday about <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> I know most likely in reality I'd be too scared to go through with it.
    I've had panic and anxiety for about 2years now...I was in bad relationship that was on off on off for years and that triggered it, I spend 1 year in CBT and I came out the other end feeling great and spent the next 5-6 months feeling back to my old self. However my ex got back in touch and we decided to see how things would go, everything was great at first and then I was terrified things would go bad again so I started being a bit mean to my partner. I guess you could say I was trying to test them to see if they really loved me or not but fast forward 3-4 months we have not seen each other in weeks and we fight constantly over txt, in the process I've been made redundant from my job and can't find anything else yet.
    So I have no job and ex/partner that keeps telling me they love me but I've changed and made them not want to be with me.
    So I feel like there is nothing in my life worth keeping me here.
    It sounds really silly when I explain it but the hurt in my body right now is unbearable.
    Thanks for reading.
  2. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Don't worry, a lot of people here don't have the guts to go through with suicide.

    There's nothing silly about hurting when you lose both a relationship and a job at the same time. But if you're hurting unbearably and thinking about suicide, you really should get professional help.

    Also, it seems like you should consider cutting off your ex permanently. You can't afford to hang around a person who's triggering you. Even if the loneliness is very painful initially, in the long-term this will allow you to find a better, more reliable partner.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Astrogirl and welcome :hug:

    No need to feel like a fraud. We all have different issues here. Some different to others. I am really sorry about your current situation and hope that peer to peer support can hep you however I would encourage professional help too. You deserve help and support just has much as the next person, welcome aboard.
  4. Astrogirl

    Astrogirl New Member

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.
    I know in myself I need to cut the ex out my life, I have no idea what I'm holding on for.
    It's just sinking me deeper into this pit. I felt better sharing this earlier so I suppose that's always a plus.
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