Feel alone and depressed.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Qwurty2.0, Feb 9, 2014.

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  1. Qwurty2.0

    Qwurty2.0 Member

    I won't waste too many people's time by writing my life story down. I typically make a wall of text but I'll just keep it short. I am a freshman (guy) in college. I was abused and possibly molested when I was younger. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. A psychiatrist thinks I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I suffer from C-PTSD from dealing with my abuse completely alone my whole life.

    I've never really had many close friends and my parents were just overgrown children who did a poor job parenting. I repressed a lot of emotions and experiences for years, and my senior year and first semester of college I was almost constantly depressed and suicidal. Most people never notice and say I'm one of the nicest people they know. I seem to be more or less okay now, but when my depression does come back it is almost crippling and I often find myself on the verge of suicide (or at least fantasize about it heavily).

    I am told I am smart and nice, and was said to be the happiest baby when I was young, always smiling at everything. I'm sorry if this seems choppy/all over the place, I'm feeling really down and tired.

    Thanks.
     
  2. Kranman

    Kranman New Member

    Hey dog I'm in the same boat. First year in college and It started off well but halfway through I realized I wasn't in any friend groups and had no real friends. You sound like a pretty humble guy. Thats probably why your so well liked. My only advice is to work out and eat healthy and don't abuse any drugs to cope. I went wrong doing that man and paid the price.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you have some supports in college councilors there talk to them let them know when you are getting depressed ok. They can set you up with therapist to helpyou heal from your past I hope you get a good therapist ok and a doctor who can help you stay out of that really dark place h ugs
     
  4. Qwurty2.0

    Qwurty2.0 Member

    Thanks dude, I've been trying just to eat in general, as I often don't feel hungry, and for almost a year and a half in high school I didn't eat breakfast and skipped lunch because I felt alienated from the kids I sat with. I've been working out frequently too, though not as hard as I could be.

    I don't have much trouble staying away from drugs, and the only reason I'm not drinking any alcohol is because I don't have the money to pay my friend if he buys me any. I spent the last two weeks of my first semester (including finals week) constantly buzzed because of how stressed I was feeling. If my parents hadn't locked away their alcohol when I was in high school, I think I might have become and alcoholic had I discovered them. :(

    Thanks for the hugs, I don't seem to click well with therapists. My last two therapists were males, and both of them made me feel extremely uncomfortable, with one of them starting to accuse me of thinking things I wasn't. I have a psychiatrist here on campus, but I only see her every few weeks, and sometimes she's way too cheerful for me. I shut down when I am in a "session" with her, but she doesn't know about the abuse. I was going to tell her during our next meeting, but I forgot to go and got no call about it...

    I think I need to talk with close friends; people who are smart and mature who can help me. The problem is most kids my age aren't that mature yet (I've always clicked better with people older than me, I had a lot of responsibility thrown on me after my dad tried to assault my mom the night she moved out and I sort of matured because, well, my parents didn't act mature).

    I pretty much deal with everything on my own. I have no one to confide in, no one to give me advice or support. I've realized that it's turned me into an extremely independent person, but I also don't click with a lot of other people because I've done most things in my life by myself.
     
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