I won't waste too many people's time by writing my life story down. I typically make a wall of text but I'll just keep it short. I am a freshman (guy) in college. I was abused and possibly molested when I was younger. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. A psychiatrist thinks I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I suffer from C-PTSD from dealing with my abuse completely alone my whole life. I've never really had many close friends and my parents were just overgrown children who did a poor job parenting. I repressed a lot of emotions and experiences for years, and my senior year and first semester of college I was almost constantly depressed and suicidal. Most people never notice and say I'm one of the nicest people they know. I seem to be more or less okay now, but when my depression does come back it is almost crippling and I often find myself on the verge of suicide (or at least fantasize about it heavily). I am told I am smart and nice, and was said to be the happiest baby when I was young, always smiling at everything. I'm sorry if this seems choppy/all over the place, I'm feeling really down and tired. Thanks.