:cheekkissButterfly Hun, I'm sorry your still not feeling about to cope.
I've been in your situation so many times that I've lost count. You need to keep going. I know its hard, I know you feel like you don't have the strength to carry on, but you must.
I'll tell you one thing not many people know about me.... I have attempted 3 times in the last 6 months. On the last attempt I thought "3rd time lucky", but I wasn't lucky, not for myself anyway. When I was in hospital, my dad said that I was selfish trying to kill myself because there are plenty of people who want me to stay. So I made a pact with myself. I will try and carry on, not for me, god no, but for my family and friends. Because they want me to and because I love them.
Some people might say that that is reason enough to stay, but its not. I know that and I'm sure you know that as well. What I am saying is, is if your nan, your fiance and all of us on here want you to stay because we love you, try and carry on. It's hard, I'm not going to lie to you. But everytime you get a horrible thought, think of your nan, and of your fiance and think of how much they would miss you.
Your fiance may have said that you are selfish but, honestly, people who haven't suffered from depression don't know how it feels to want to die.
Have you talked to your fiance about how you feel? Maybe you could write him a letter telling him about how you feel. But don't give it to him, tear it up, burn it and then bury it. It might help just to get down your feelings on paper.
And lastly. Nobody can force you to do anything. But remember, we are all here to help you. Message me if you like.
I hope you can find the strength to carry on.
Lots of loves and hugs coming your way.
Jen x x x :cheekkiss :console: