Feel effin awful

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, May 27, 2011.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am supposed to be on leave from here as of today but I dont know if I will be able to cope. I was so excited to see my nan and my fiance today, but I feel worse than ever. My gp wont do me a note to say I am fit to carry on my nursing course. My fiance thinks I am selfish cos I have a nice life but still want to kill myself. Oh god I want to die so badly. I can see the end of this week being my time. I am so sad and so tired of fighting. I have well and truely had enough.
     
  2. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    Why are you "supposed to be on leave" from suicide forum?

    You're one of the nicest persons I've met on this site, and I would go out of my way to have a chat with you if you really needed it. You have my facebook. Send me a pm if you care to (hell I could use the company).

    I often beat myself up for feeling down or suicidal. I tell myself there are people who have it far worse than I do. People who live on less than a dollar a day. Billions of them, all over the world. And to an extent, it does make me selfish; but it also motivates me to change and to give back what I feel I've squandered.

    Suffering is relative, and while you and I may (comparatively) have everything we need to survive in physical comfort, it doesn't diminish the suffering we feel emotionally or mentally. Your pain is not irrelevant. Your anguish is not arguable. Pain is always justified, otherwise it would not be pain.

    I'm always free to talk if I'm online. Just hit me up.

    xx

    - Kevin
     
  3. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Lexxxxiiiiii honey ...stop beating yourself up about how other people are feeling. Of course your going to go through all kinds of emotions at the moment because there is sooo much going on. Its ok to not be able to cope. Just because you have a good life doesnt mean you have less of a right to complain and i dont think anyone who had been through the things you have had to recently would consider that to be lucky. Im here for you honey..we all are... you just need some extra support to get you through this. xxx :IrishDoll:
     
  4. Dreamland

    Dreamland Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it's hard for others to understand the way it is for people like us. My fiance also doesn't understand why I would have suicidal thoughts despite my relatively great life on the outside. Don't let them convince you that your feelings aren't valid, but at the same time we really want you to hang on. I know that you can find a passion in life that keeps you going.

    When we all make it through to the side of permanently being happy with living, just think how strong we'll be.
     
  5. jen1985

    jen1985 New Member

    :cheekkissButterfly Hun, I'm sorry your still not feeling about to cope.

    I've been in your situation so many times that I've lost count. You need to keep going. I know its hard, I know you feel like you don't have the strength to carry on, but you must.

    I'll tell you one thing not many people know about me.... I have attempted 3 times in the last 6 months. On the last attempt I thought "3rd time lucky", but I wasn't lucky, not for myself anyway. When I was in hospital, my dad said that I was selfish trying to kill myself because there are plenty of people who want me to stay. So I made a pact with myself. I will try and carry on, not for me, god no, but for my family and friends. Because they want me to and because I love them.

    Some people might say that that is reason enough to stay, but its not. I know that and I'm sure you know that as well. What I am saying is, is if your nan, your fiance and all of us on here want you to stay because we love you, try and carry on. It's hard, I'm not going to lie to you. But everytime you get a horrible thought, think of your nan, and of your fiance and think of how much they would miss you.

    Your fiance may have said that you are selfish but, honestly, people who haven't suffered from depression don't know how it feels to want to die.

    Have you talked to your fiance about how you feel? Maybe you could write him a letter telling him about how you feel. But don't give it to him, tear it up, burn it and then bury it. It might help just to get down your feelings on paper.

    And lastly. Nobody can force you to do anything. But remember, we are all here to help you. Message me if you like.

    I hope you can find the strength to carry on.

    Lots of loves and hugs coming your way.
    Jen x x x :cheekkiss :console:
     
  6. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    butterfly hon people are right

    the people around you dont understand depression like those who have suffered it
    its no more selfish than what they are saying to you

    but you do need to stick around and prove what a good person you are you obviously have a good heart thats why your taking a nursing course

    your not alone in this there was another person on here who felt the same as you she went through hell too and the last time i heard from her she had just passed her nursing degree and was set to be a nurse and i have no doubt you can move on from today
     
  7. marmite

    marmite Active Member

    Hi dont' you dare do anything silly as you are one of my friends on here.I know how bad things get i have had bipolar for over 30 years and now they say i have emotionally unstable personality disorder too.I have however a wonderful husband and a lovely sister who really care.Paul my husband has not always understood but over the years has been fantastic.Hope you soon feel better email me if you want to my friend.
     
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