I grew up wealthy - but had a really abusive dad. emotionally, and parents who disregarded whatever I told them about school. I was bullied, faced racism (went to a private school in Beligum).My parents always said, 'suck it up, this is the best education for you." The best day of my life was when my dad died of cancer. Then the mass depression got worse when I went off to college, had a hard time making friends, but girls I used to sleep with left and right, I needed someone, to feel something. I used to take Paxil, but it's seemed to have worn off and now? I feel so bad I can't take it, I drink but I'm sad, all I can think about is how unhappy I've always been, everyday is like a nightmare, I'm forcing myself to live but I really don't want to. It's hard, I don't want to start taking Benzo's because I know once they stop working, these things come back inside my head. I feel so alone and I need someone who can understand me, please, just someone to talk to. I have friends but no one would understand, I feel empty, I just feel like dying.