I seem to have no choice but to live even though I feel I'm suffering from my past and no vision for the future anymore. I know I still have reasons to live, but I just wish I could do another attempt with no strings attached. I don't want to hurt anyone else, especially my family, but maybe if I'm really ready to attempt something, I will. I guess I'm not ready yet and I have no plan. Just keep wishing that I didn't know anything about what happened to me last time because I'm still bugged by the little bits of information that I heard from other people about me. It's too disturbing and I want to forget it all, like wanting to die or become unconscious, at least. For those who have known me here, this is just another depressive breakdown from me. Tomorrow, I look forward to meeting with my social worker and maybe I can tell him what I'm feeling and thinking and see what he thinks or says. I don't mind going to the hospital, but if I did, I would like to OD on something before I go. I think I'm not thinking clearly right now. However, that's just what's going on with me right now. Whether it makes sense or not, I don't care. Just wish I have a plan...I'll be thinking of one for awhile.