• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

feel kind of stupid and need some reassurance

#1
I didn't know where else to post this, but everyone here is so sweet and helpful so I thought I'd share here.

So i made friends with this guy online that lives only 20 minutes away nearly 2 weeks ago.

Im definitely starting to fall for him, like, hard.

But i have no idea how to tell him. He said he was only looking for friends and i have no clue whether he seems into me, already has a gf… hell i don’t even know if he’s straight/bi. I know if he rejects me i’ll definitely try killing myself cause i’ve got into such a bad place again and i don’t want to put him through that.

But thats not the only problem;

He usually doesn’t text much between 4pm and 11pm, and i can never shake the thought that he’s died or something horrible has happened.

I do this with basically all my close internet friends and i hate it, how can i stop worrying about others so much?? I’ve cried in shower for the past 4 days over it and i’ve made myself feel ill but i cant stop and it makes me feel like such an idiot. Why cant i just realise people cant talk to me 24/7 and have things to do why do i have to cause myself so much constant pain?

I know he said he was going into town with some friends today but he hasn’t responded in 3 almost 4 hours and he usually replies at least once around 6pm, would he still be out now? (just for reference I live in England. it is currently 8:40pm)
God i hate this, so so much. But i cant cut him off i need to confess my feelings at some point.

Help?
 
#2
Sorry that you're going through this.
I know if he rejects me i’ll definitely try killing myself cause i’ve got into such a bad place again and i don’t want to put him through that
One of the things that I've observed is that the surest way to guarantee that a relationship doesn't work out is to not be able to live without that person. I'm not sure I even know all the reasons why it's like that, but it seems very much like that.

So if he rejects you, you'll be suicidal. If he doesn't reject you, but their is turmoil in the relationship, then you'll also be suicidal.

I think you could make things work out with this guy, but it sounds like you need to work on yourself first and get to a point where you're not at risk for suicide.

What about talking to a therapist about this?
 
#3
I'm not sure what advice to give about the falling for him part, but I empathise with the worrying part. It shows you're a really caring person 💓 I also care deeply about my close internet friends and have cried worrying about them too even though I know I dont really need to. Maybe its partly anxiety? Sounds like it could be. I guess try to praise yourself for being so caring (seems rare these days) rather than insulting yourself. Try to remember the logic that 99.9% of the time people are fine, it's just our anxiety making us think of the worst for no reason. You kinda have to retrain your brain so it stays calmer when theres silence. I know how hard it is, I've struggled myself a lot with similar *hug
 
#4
Thanks guys it means a lot!
He text again soon after I made this post, I just hate being in the dark so much urghhh.

What about talking to a therapist about this?
Sadly I don't have access to therapy right now, I think im on a waiting list but I've received no updates. But I will definitely be bringing this up when I start talking to one.

I think you could make things work out with this guy, but it sounds like you need to work on yourself first and get to a point where you're not at risk for suicide.
Definitely, I just hope it doesn't ruin anything between us because that'd really suck. Thats what i'm most worried about.

Maybe its partly anxiety? Sounds like it could be.
I definitely do struggle with some anxiety, once I can learn to calm my nerves and reassure myself everything is okay I'll feel a LOT better. Its mostly due to this old online friend I had, she struggled badly with suicidal thoughts and it really messed me. So now I just presume someone has died if they don't text back within an hour or so. So tiring *blub I dont understand why I always worry about my internet friends more though? I think its mostly cause I could actually date this guy and it'd be the first time I've ever been in a relationship so If something bad happened to him before I could tell him how I felt I'd be so lost... argh, I hope I can better soon.

xx
 
#5
Thanks guys it means a lot!
He text again soon after I made this post, I just hate being in the dark so much urghhh.


Sadly I don't have access to therapy right now, I think im on a waiting list but I've received no updates. But I will definitely be bringing this up when I start talking to one.


Definitely, I just hope it doesn't ruin anything between us because that'd really suck. Thats what i'm most worried about.


I definitely do struggle with some anxiety, once I can learn to calm my nerves and reassure myself everything is okay I'll feel a LOT better. Its mostly due to this old online friend I had, she struggled badly with suicidal thoughts and it really messed me. So now I just presume someone has died if they don't text back within an hour or so. So tiring *blub I dont understand why I always worry about my internet friends more though? I think its mostly cause I could actually date this guy and it'd be the first time I've ever been in a relationship so If something bad happened to him before I could tell him how I felt I'd be so lost... argh, I hope I can better soon.

xx
thats really sad, I can understand why you'd now worry when friends go quiet, it makes sense ♥ I guess we worry more about internet friends cause they're harder to get hold of? like we cant just go round their house to check on them etc. I hope so too, stay strong :) x
 

MyCatWillMissMe

Well-Known Member
#6
Not sure how old you are but you seem young if you haven't been in a relationship. Online friends get ghosted all the time so you need to just accept that. One day he may just stop responding. Please don't think he's dead or that anything is wrong with you. I get ghosted all the time lol. It will happen to you too if it hasn't already.
 

UKDude

Well-Known Member
#7
Therapy in the UK is a joke. When I split up with wife (been together 23 years at that point) and family fell apart the doctor told me I'd be waiting at least 3 months to talk to someone.

Who the hell can wait 3 months when they're in a state?
 
#8
Therapy in the UK is a joke. When I split up with wife (been together 23 years at that point) and family fell apart the doctor told me I'd be waiting at least 3 months to talk to someone.

Who the hell can wait 3 months when they're in a state?
That's awful. I've heard it's bad but didnt know how bad as I've never bothered trying myself. That is stupid, someone could kill themselves in 3 months, they make out waiting that long when you feel so bad is easy
 

UKDude

Well-Known Member
#9
They tell you to do the free NHS online CBT course instead. It's okay but it's not the same as talking to someone when you're really down and in need.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#10
2 weeks is really not very long at all, I would say try to get to know him much more thoroughly before confessing anything, especially as you say he currently has a significant other. All the best.
 
#11
A quick update: We met in real life not too long ago (the 10th) and both really like each other, turns out he actually felt the same way about me. Not officially 'together' as of now as he would like to ask me to officially be his significant other in person, we'll be seeing each other again soon for a little date hopefully. So there's some happy news!
Mental health is a little better I suppose, I think I have some consultation on Tuesday so we'll see how that goes.
 
#12
Therapy in the UK is a joke. When I split up with wife (been together 23 years at that point) and family fell apart the doctor told me I'd be waiting at least 3 months to talk to someone.

Who the hell can wait 3 months when they're in a state?
It really is terrible. The doctor told me I was 'ill' and 'needed help' yet didn't refer me to any services and told me I'd have to wait for medication even though it was very clear I was in a horrible and very unsafe position at the time, which pushed me to harm myself very badly and even get myself hospitalised. However even that wasn't enough for the mental health team to see any serious problems. Absolute piss take.
 

UKDude

Well-Known Member
#13
It really is terrible. The doctor told me I was 'ill' and 'needed help' yet didn't refer me to any services and told me I'd have to wait for medication even though it was very clear I was in a horrible and very unsafe position at the time, which pushed me to harm myself very badly and even get myself hospitalised. However even that wasn't enough for the mental health team to see any serious problems. Absolute piss take.
I can't believe they still didn't help you when you'd harmed yourself, what do you need to do to get some help?

I think they're just so underfunded in the MH department they are practically useless at the point in time when you need them. I imagine that when the redundacies start after the furlough they'll be underfunded and overwhelmed, making them less than useless LoL.

Did your doctor recomment the live life to the full (or whatever it's called) CBT course? That's what mine told me to do. It was okay, not brilliant but it took the edge off things a bit. Not the same as proper help though.

Take care of yourself.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$95.00
Goal
$255.00
Top