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Feel left out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DarkFantasy, Nov 24, 2010.

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  1. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    Had a Thanksgiving get together the other day. All the family came over here.
    Makes me realize how much I hate my life. Also makes it that much more clear that I can't change.
    Everyone's doing their thing. All I can do is watch and wish I could be a part of the group. No one respects me. No one wants to look at me.
    My only saving grace was my cousins daughter (my second cousin). 10 years old and gives me a hug every time, and is the sweetest girl I've ever known. It just makes me want to cry though because I know someone loves me.

    I hate how judgmental everyone is. No one said anything, but I know what they're thinking. I can tell by the way they speak to me. The way I'm ignored when trying to speak. The way when they do hear me, they don't care or understand.
    I want to say I don't care what you think. But I really do. It's actually all I care about. I want to be a part of the group. But I don't know how to. I don't know what it means to be myself. Who I am stays in my head.

    I'm fucked guys.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You hold on to your nieces love okay A childs love is 10 times more pure it is
    they love unconditionallly I hope her love will stay with you and help you heal some inside. I often feel so much better after my grandchild comes over It was nice you had a thankgiving dinner and all came over at least you spent the day with people around you right i hope you can somehow connect to your family again. Maybe write a letter to someone you trust letting them know how you feel like an outsider and want to feel more part of the group
  3. Deanna

    Deanna Active Member

    Thanks for your post, DF!!!
    It reminded me to be like a child again - to be more like your 10-year-old neice - and just focus on the goodness in people. (How come we lose so much of that on the way to becoming adults???) Children aren't judgemental about what you have, or don't have, or what you have or haven't accomplished. They don't care about your lifestyle. Children instinctively realize that some disabilities are not visible. Children awknowledge that most of the time, people are just doing the best they can.
  4. clairedelune

    clairedelune Wanderer

    Hey Kevin. It seems that I've found somebody who is exactly like me. Well, in this sort of case, probably. It's true that it kinda hurts more when people just hide their thoughts about you rather than telling them to you straight. But perhaps, we can do nothing about it. If you are like that, just stick to it. No one can change you except if you really want to change something about you. And, whatever makes you comfortable will hold you high and happier, perhaps. So what if you just spend some more time with your cousin who shows her love for you rather than contemplating on what other people are thinking about you. Probably enjoying time with someone you're comfortable with would make you less troubled and soon you'll realize that you're starting to become part of a group.

    PM me if you want. :)
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