I only seem to come back here when I'm feeling down...hmm. -sighs- I don't know that I'm quite suicidal yet, but I can tell I'm certainly headed that way. I feel like a burden on everyone I know, and like a complete fail as an adult at all. I can't drive--moreover, I can't even learn yet. My permit expired and I have to wait for my aunt to get her mom's car up here before I can even try. And public transit here sucks. Oh, to some extent, I can use it to get places, but I can't get home because it stops ridiculously early. I also live 5 miles away from anything fun. I can't walk 5 miles. I have physical disability problems. I also graduated college last semester. Should be great, right? Wrong. You can't do anything with only a B.A. in Psychology. And this is the first semester since kindergarten I haven't had school. I feel...amazingly bereft. Not to mention all my friends are still in college, and thus in class all day. Making me feel more alone. I live with my aunt, who's disabled and emotionally abusive. She also sees my parents as wonderful. My parents are the reason I'm multiple, one of the reasons I have PTSD, and definitely a big reason I have depression and social anxiety. My family made my life a living hell growing up, and she refuses to see it, telling me how "lucky" I am that I have my family. You cannot imagine how tempted I am to let someone come out and tell her otherwise. I just feel like a total fail. Keep getting memories and flashbacks, and I don't WANT to know what happened anymore, I really don't...'cause it was all so awful. And having such a hard time sleeping. It's not really that I want to die, I just want all the bad stuff to stop. And to stop feeling like I'm a burden on everyone I know. 'Cause it sucks.