Feel like a old beat up dog

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mike308, Apr 2, 2010.

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  1. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    All I can see when I look in the mirror is a beaten down dog of a man.
    Just like the song " like a dog that's been beat so much, you spend half your life just covering up"
    How did I ever get here??
    Don't know any more. Life has no meaning, no hope for the future.
    The past is gone and my life is at a turning point.
    Think about death, more and more. As a way out of my broken life.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Mike and so sorry you feel so awful...are there any little steps you can take to add something positive? That might help the feelings of worthlessness many of us have...big hugs, J
  3. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    The weather is nice today. Raked my yard some.. cleaning up the fall and winter leftovers.
    Don't know why. My wife of 20+ years decided "she doesn't love me anymore"
    The house that we built together..It was her dream to have it.. is going up for sale.
    You know.. it's not really worth writing about.
    It's all been said before. It's just hard to start over again when your 50+ and you watch your world just crumble around you.
    Have fought depression ever since my twin brother died a few years back..IT'S BEEN AWHILE, but I have never been able to get over it.
    Now, I have just given up any hope.
    Just a sad old loser dog.. so beat down.. you see them ..chained up on a short chain..No grass..just packed dirt.. covered with shit..
    That's me.
  4. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    Was thinking more about this.
    When I see all these posts from Children that want to kill themselves, It just breaks my heart.
    I have been like this ever since my twin brother was killed in a construction accident.
    It just RUINED MY LIFE.. Never has I been the same.
    If he had killed himself it would have been MUCH WORSE..
    The ONE THING THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE.. Is the thought of causing the ones that "still love me" ??? The kind of pain and heartache that I still feel for my brother after many years.
    If you kill yourself, you will Hurt everyone that cares about you... PERIOD.
    No matter how bad off you are, isolated, alienated,separated, whatever. Even if you don't think anyone cares for you, someone does
    WTF.. I am just an old unwanted dog.. If the master would just take me out to the woods and put a bullet behind my ear, or beat me to death with a stick.
    The pain only lasts for a minute, the peace is forever.
  5. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    that's my cat.. Lucy..
    she was beaten, starved. neglected.. her ear was so infected with mites, she almost tore if off, left for dead..
    Now she is my friend
  6. Lunar Pixie

    Lunar Pixie Member

    try to see your present condition as an opportunity to develop a vaccine againts life´s hazards, those particular ones that seem to affect you so much, if you do so you´ll become stronger, and becoming stronger doesnt mean you will become a rock, or a monster or a senseless person or someone with a cold heart, it means you will become more capable of dealing with situations, as for example if you had a child who is about to cross the street would you hold his hand or warm him about the danger?, for the rest of things its the same of things, if you let your cloud cover you then it will blind you, if you choose to cut it you will see life with different eyes, and you will be able to do things you werent able to do before, such as holding the childs hand...
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