Feel like being dead right now...Might just end it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kayako44, Dec 5, 2010.

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  1. kayako44

    kayako44 Active Member

    Yes, I'm thinking about ending it...seriously this time. I'm sick of how I feel, and how I think, and how my life is going right now. They want to lock me up in the State Hospital. F that! I'd rather be dead than locked up like a rabid animal.
  2. Joshuwa

    Joshuwa Well-Known Member

    i think you should sleep on your decision and see if a new day doesnt bring around some new hope
  3. kayako44

    kayako44 Active Member

    The more I think about being dead...not dealing with this anymore...the better it sounds. Would you want to be locked up???
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i've been hospitalized 5 times in 2 years. mostly on a form (involuntary). while it wasn't great it kept me alive at a time that i couldn't take care of myself. once i started to feel better i have never regretted going. have you been hospitalzed before? is that why you are so determined to not go?
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    To be honest, sometimes I would want to be locked up yes, as long as it's a hospital and not a prison.
    The thought of not having to worry how I'm going to pay the bills, hold down a job, cook a meal, wash, look after other people...its all very tempting to go to hospital instead. No worries and everything done for you.
    Why do they want to 'lock you up' though? Why can't you stay voluntarily?
    Sending hugs,
  6. kayako44

    kayako44 Active Member

    I've been hospitalized 13 times in the last 2 and half years... I've never been to the State Hospital though, but from what I've heard from others...it's not a fun place to go....
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    It might be helpful for your recovery to be in the State Hospital. It can't be that bad. :hug:
  8. kayako44

    kayako44 Active Member

    I'm tired of talking about recovering, I'm tired of going to therapy and getting nowhere, I'm tired of living.....I'm tired, and done with it all. Life is not worth this, and to hell with the damn hospital. I'm done!
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Don't give up kayako. I'm sure that you can beat this.
  10. chickee

    chickee Active Member

    I was voluntarily locked up and it was a great thing for me. The staff treated me with respect and I felt like people listened to what was going on. My meds got changed and now I am feeling on the mend. Death seems far more scary than a state hospital. I'd live in state hospital for awhile rather than die but that's just me. I really think you can get through this!!
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