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Feel like blasting the thoughts out of my head with a gun!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Creepazoid, Sep 1, 2010.

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  1. Creepazoid

    Creepazoid Account Closed

    Hi all. I am new here and will explain my situation.

    My name is David, i am 23 and come from Belfast.
    I have never had suicidal feelings before but there is a first for everything right?
    Ok so my story goes like this.
    I have a new-ish partner. We have been together for coming on four months now. I have strong feelings about her. Problem is, She has been involved in sexual activity that quite frankly makes me feel very bad indeed. she has had sex with a previous partner in front of a group of men. Now i don't know how anyone else would feel about this but i would really like a male perspective here.

    Your Girlfriend/Wife tells you she has had sex with a previous partner in front of a group of men. How does this make you feel? Knowing that people have been getting off over her (Not only that but in front of her) and have A)Seen her body, and B) Watched her engaged in sexual activity.

    Well every time i close my eyes i see her having sex with another man in front of other people. I can not stop thinking about it to the point that i am just about ready to take something big and heavy to my head and beat the thoughts out. I know we are together and that is all that should matter but i can't shake the thought. If it were intimate sex i have no problem with it. That's what you do with your partner, but this just makes my heart beat faster everytime i think about it. Like i am at boiling point. And so i am contemplating suicide. I could not bare to leave her, but at the same time i can not take it.
    (If you can of course :( )
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i hope this was all done prior to you getting together with her. Her sexual preverances may have changed now that you in the picture. Maybe you have changed her heart into thinking only of you now so you can relax and be happy you are the only one NOW she wants. everyone does something stupid in their lives if you can't let it go then maybe you should get some councelling to help you okay i hope you and her can work thiis out as if you say you do love her.
  3. Creepazoid

    Creepazoid Account Closed

    Yes it was prior. I thank you for responding as i am sitting here with a box of like 200 odd pills of all sorts. I am smoking like no ones buisness and have already gone through 3 boxes of 20 in the space of and hour. Also drinking.
    As you can maybe see the fact that it was done is one thing, but also having to live out the rest of our lives together knowing she was willingly involved in such a thing is a very difficult concept. Where is the love? where is the passion? Two bodies should meet in a passionate moment between two people who are (Or feel they are at the time) in love. And should be just between those two people. I just want the thoughts to stop. I can not take it anymore :(
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would talk with her, and get your feelings out in the open, and I would stop judging her. I doubt you are perfect, and I hope you remember we are all young and dumb once, some twice. COMMUNICATION does wonders for a relationship! Blessings..
  5. Creepazoid

    Creepazoid Account Closed

    Your right i am not perfect. I am lucky to have her and don't deserve her. I have been speaking to some people about it. I guess i should feel lucky not uncomfortable. I mean i am the one who is with her after all.
    And just out of curiosity. What made you think i was Judging her?
  6. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    That was then, this is now. She was honest with you and didnt lie.......prior relationships shouldnt have an impact on the current one. This is something you need to get over so the two of you can progress together in a happy way. If you just cant get over it for some reason, find another partner, dont take your life. I see lots of people on this forum wanting to take their life over a spouse or partner. Why? There are soooooo many people out there.......there is somebody for everybody and maybe you just havent found the right one yet. Hang in there, dont trip on her past, look to the future.....
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    You might want to have another chat with her. If she was willing to admit this to you then who knows what else she has done? Let's hope that the guys were only watching her and nothing else... Maybe she just likes being watched while having sex, like a pornstar or a stripper?
  8. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    If she has changed, that is in the past, perhaps she is not the old person that she was. She probably confided in you because she trusted you, and not to hurt you this way. People do change. "Mary Magdalene". She did that in the past, forget it.
    But if you can't get past this, give yourself time and then find another girl who might be easier for you to love.
    If she has changed, why let it ruin a good relationship.
  9. bdawk

    bdawk Well-Known Member

    I would say if she's not like that anymore i wouldn't worry about it....Would it creep into my mind every noew and again probably, but that's just natural....Hey i've made mistakes in my past and see people who i grew up look at me in a different way, like that situation/mistake defines who i am and that hurts....All i can say is you have to leave the past behind you, plus you said how much means to you...Just have a heart to heart talk with her
  10. Creepazoid

    Creepazoid Account Closed

    This is also something that i have been thinking off. I don't blame her. I have found out it has happened with several other partners, all of which requested her do it. She is very impressionable. Now i just feel more crappy. This is why i always said i would never date a page3 model or the likes. It begs the question how many more people have seen her engaged in sexual acts?.
    I see a lot of people here with the same attitude i have been getting everywhere (That was then this is now, Sexual preference etc)
    And i refuse to accept that it's just me. Is it common for men to want to see their partners engaged sexually with other men? Is it abnormal for a man to be unhappy that such a large group of people have seen her naked body? Is it abnormal for a man to be unhappy that groups of men have watched his partner be used to reach sexual climax?
    Maybe it would have helped if i had know some of this other stuff before posting. Asking someone who you know gives in easily to male demands, And just for the record i found out two nights ago she was beaten by 3 of her partners (The fact that those that requested this act were not violent is irrelevent as they knew she had been in violent relationships) in my opinion it's pretty close to rape. It is a sexual act that she did not really want to do (But i guess did out of fear) THAT constitutes as rape.

    But you are the first person who is kind of on my wave length.
  11. Helping

    Helping New Member

    Hi David.

    This is a male perspective.

    You have been dating this girl for only 4 months. You are 23 years old, and have a long life ahead of you. Women are such a petty thing to get upset about. It obviously is going to be a large issue for you that she was apart of that situation, so the best thing to do is walk away from it. Don't let yourself get more attached! Relationships aren't always meant to be.

    You will walk away a stronger person once you come to this realization! Never do anything as drastic as taking your life, it's just not worth it.

    DISRUPTOR New Member

    Hi David. I have been reading your posts for a while. I am in a very similar boat. You should take my advice over these dudes/dudettes because i have been there myself. My girl said some stuff on the same sort of subject. I later found out that it never happened. She went there with an Ex (His idea) then bottled it. The whole time i thought this had happened i was feeling shit and was going to commit suicide. (I on the other hand have attempted suicide on a number of occasions) Not only that after reading your last post i felt compelled to respond as i have found out one of her Ex's used to beat her. I know exactly how it feels. But i am still trying to get over the second fact and trying to make it work. She done some other pretty stupid stuff too but this is your thread not mine so i won't go into detail. Just hang it out and see how it goes. I may sound like a douchebag for saying this because i am in a self harming stage (This is the product of guilt though so is irrelevant) but don't do anything you might regret.
    I hope you read this in time and feel free to message me whenever you like. Stay safe dude.
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