My depression and sucicidal thoughts is mainly caused by toxic people around me, and I can't escape them. I'm here too vent and find friends on similar grounds b/c I feel I have no where left too turn. This forum could be my savior and support. I need someone out there who knows how I feel too reach out too me, and I will reach back. I feel like all my friends have used me, and don't care. Like they only have me around for when they need someone. However they are the first too ridicule and hurt me .... my family is even worse. My parents were both alcoholics and my dad was physically and mentally abusive too me. I had too raise my little sister alone, and now we have no relationship either. I lost my awesome job and have been endlessly searching for one so my Boyfriend of six years and I can move in together. In the mean time I'm stuck here with my family still. I have contemplated suicide, but I love my boyfriend so much and he keeps me going. Just today when I didn't think things would get worse my sister came over and told me I was a lazy and useless. I worked sooo hard too become an Administrative Assistant at my former job, and now I want too find another job like that in the mean time I'm willing too work at small jobs too make ends meet as long as its something I enjoy doing b/c at this point I need too surround myself with things I like b/c any small thing can push me too doing something stupid. Thats why my sister said I was lazy and worthless b/c I won't just take a job anywhere. She seems too forget how hard I worked too become an office admin :/ and my depression doesn't help. My neighbors told me they would call the cops b/c she was being so loud and verbally abusive they couldn't believe it. I feel like a burden too everyone and like their life would be better without me ... the economy is so bad that finding anything is like a job in its self. I appreciate any suggestions, or positive encouragment, or comfort anyone can offer. I may not know you but it will make a huge difference in my life just too hear someone care a little bit.