I've been having these thoughts for quite a while and they're just becoming more and more frequent. When I first started having them, it scared me--I knew that it meant something was wrong and that I shouldn't be having them. Now, these thoughts are comforting to me...Knowing that there is an "escape" if things ever get to be too much makes me feel better. I know that's not normal, but the fact that I think it doesn't scare me anymore; it's normal to me. What scares me is that this might continue to the point where I actually make a plan and do something about it--I never seriously considered it in the past, but now it doesn't seem far off.