Feel like giving up

I haven't been in here for a long time now, but I feel its time to talk to someone, or atleast let it of my chest.

The fact that I haven't been here for this long doesn't mean that I feel good. I feel absolutely terrible, I'm even worse than this summer. I'm failing school bigtime because of depression, relatives dying on me, suicidal feelings occupying my head all day, and friends and family business. I can't really do the things I used to do. I used to read a lot of books, but now I can't, I can't focus on anything, I just drift of and forget what I read just as I read it. I can't easily talk to people I know about my feelings of death and suicide, I'm to ashamed. I don't talk to girls anymore, I used to talk to girls alot, but now I don't, I'm scared of opening my self and show my feelings to anyone. I don't cook anymore, I used to cook dinner atleast twice a week, but now I never do that, and when I'm alone for dinner I don't eat at all. I don't like food, I find eating pointless. I lost 10 kilos in 1 month and I hardly eat anything. But I smoke like a chimney, I smoke one packadge everyday, thats how I comfort myself, It used to be food, but since I have no appitite, I just smoke.

Everything anoys me, I get irritated for no reason, Absolutely everything.
I have no patience, no "fuse", my temper is bad.

I think about ending my life every day. Think every day that I could just jump from my 8th floor apartment, think that I could just fall infront of the buss, or just happen to swalow to many painkillers, or cut my throat with that knife, and hang my self with that rope. There is suicidemethods all around me.

I just feel like there is nothing more to live for. No joy and happiness in my life. Just feel like ending it.

 

Got to the point when I was on 80 a day....when I was 23!.. its easy to smoke 80 a day, I always thought one would have to be mad to smoke that amount..... Lost 3 stone in a month and a half...

Bro, I feel the same, but I'm trying to find someone to chat to about it.....
Wanna chat?

 

Hey Simon! Please talk with me sometime. I'm either here or at MSN. Take care, my friend.

 

Don't think much can save me now, Its taking over, like a terrible curse or a virus. My whole body is full of depression and suicidefeelings. Can't get ridd of them. I would need a mirracle pretty soon, to go on.

 

I remember being in the same spot about 7 years ago, my fuse got very short and even ordinary everyday things would have me go atomic on the inside. I hate showing anger and feared I might blow up so I went to the dr, fortunately the first anti depressant they prescribed worked really well and the anger went away, among other things. All I can suggest is that if you haven't gone to your dr yet pls try that, it really can make a big difference, it can't make you feel worse than you are now at least. I am about if you want to talk about anything but feel embarrassed about it, you're welcome to post here too whenever you need to reach out, I hope you get the help you need and deserve.