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Feel like I’m just a waste

#1
I’m tired of begging for acceptance, I don’t want to keep going.. I’ve been dealing with suicidal ideation since 8 but this night as I lay in my bed with my heart aching I thought about how Weight lifting it would be to<mod edit - method>. Why does it take for someone to commit this act for people to jump and claim they care? Because if they truly did wouldn’t they know before? I am tired of wondering who really loves me, because it feels like I’ve done nothing but be a problem. It feels like others blame me for my truama... wouldn’t it be easier to just remove the problem?... me.. I’ve been alone since my father left and chose drugs over me, my own father didn’t love me.. he wasn’t concerned about the idea of me being sexually and physically abused by my grandparents. My mother got rid of me after I was returned to her from my grandmothers home. It hurts because I wish I could be anyone but myself because then I could be loved.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#3
I care about you. You will be loved and accepted here at SF. Keep sharing your problems. What you have gone through is terrible! I would suggest being patient and finding help. A doctor can recommend a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist will recommend a therapist. You can have a good life with some help. If you don''t want to go that path you will find friends here on SF, people that care about you and love you.. We all do.
 
#4
Hi. Welcome to the forums @Searching soul. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and that you've had such a tough life.

If there are people who are blaming you for what happened to you and for your trauma, they are the problem, not you. You don't need to, and shouldn't have to, "beg" for acceptance - people should accept you for who you are, and if they don't, it is their problem. You can find people who will accept you and be compassionate towards you, especially here on SF.

Have you sought any treatment for what you are going through? There are plenty of options from therapy to medication. If you haven't yet, you should consider them - they may be able to help you a lot.

Stay safe. I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#5
So sorry that you have suffered so much...and that you are feeling it is your fault but when we are abused/abandoned by others especially family members who are supposed to care and love us it is so difficult. Are you able to reach out irl to a therapist or counselor? You do deserve to be loved and cared for so be gentle on yourself and though hard to do don't allow their actions to lessen who you are -- as you clearly have an incredible inner strength so hold tightly onto that. And please take to heart that you do matter and that you aren't alone as we are here...
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
Hi @Searching soul I can relate to family blaming you for things. The problem is not you! No matter what they say or how badly they make you feel for the things that happened to you, the problem isn't you. I know it feels that way, but I promise you it's not the case. You are precious and your family should treat you as such, but sometimes family doesn't do that. I hope you will stick around here and see that we will accept you.

Please note I had to edit the method from your post.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#7
welcome to SF we are a peer community that cares but never judges. please look at the different forums and post when you feel comfortable, or go to our chat section if you prefer real time.

i'm so sorry that you were abused by your grandparents and abandoned by your father. remember your father went for drugs he didn't even consider you, drugs were more important to him. you do have to learn to love yourself and know that you have worth. try seeing your doctor, he/she may recommend meds or therapy or both. you can get over these hurdles and live a good life. please keep talking because we will listen to you and care...mike....*hug*console*shake
 
#10
I’ve been in and out of therapy since living with my abusers... I just feel like im never going to get better. I’ve been feeling like I want to go for years now. I’m tired of being responsible while everyone else around me isn’t. Its too much weight. I wonder why I keep going if every single day I feel this way at least once. I feel too negative so I don’t say anything, if I make it to 25 I will be surprised
 
#13
As of right now no I’m not, I had to leave my home state due to a abusive ex partner. This and a few friends... like 2 ..are my therapy.. I did tell them that I have been feeling like I don’t wanna be here and surprisingly they are being understanding. I just feel like my problems become to much and I am too negative. Don’t wanna burden people and that’s what I told them..
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#14
if they are your friend you aren't a burden. isn't that what friends do, help each other. and SF will always be there or you. i hope things get better for you soon...mike...*hug*shake
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#16
It is good that you do have friends whom you can talk to especially since you had to move to another state. Friends are there for us in the good times and bad times so be gentle on yourself and don't see yourself as a burden to them. You clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that. I encourage you to keep posting as we are all here for you. Sending you hugs.
 

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