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Feel Like I have NOTHING

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SilentWords, Jan 9, 2011.

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  1. SilentWords

    SilentWords New Member

    Hey Everyone,

    So, this is my first post and I just wanted some advice. If anyone is in a relationship, either boyfriend/girlfriend or even a spouse, perhaps they can understand better.

    Did any of you ever feel that you have no Confidence about yourself?

    I do :(

    Just when I look in the mirror, I can never smile, because I feel I have nothing to smile about. On a personal side, my husband has been into pornography for many many MANY years, even when we were married. But I never knew until recently. He apologized and swore he 'd never do it again, but I feel that my body has been tainted coz my husband has seen a MILLION others BETTER THAN me :(

    Any time that I want that enjoyment with my husband just to get romantic with him, I feel that there's no use and I'd be boring or just so small and not as good as what he's seen before.

    I feel that I have nothing left to give for my husband.

    And let me tell you, my husband is the only TRUE happiness that I have (or had?). He's HONESTLY the only one that I live for.

    So If I have nothing left to give my husband....

    that means I have nothing left to give the world....

    so why Live? .... shouldnt I just end it now?

    I feel so PATHETIC and just an UGly being now put on this earth to the point my husband doesnt find enjoyment in me :(

    any advice?
  2. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Hello SilentWords,

    Welcome to the Forum, I hope you find thee support you need I am glad you had posted as iit looks like you are going through alot right now :hug:

    It seems like when your boy friend did pornography you where not happy and you were more self consiouse about your body image this is normal for any couples in a relationship. Did you speak to your husband about this issue at all? As it seems like its a topic that need to be talked about with him and what effects it left of you.

    You haven't lost your 1 true happiness just though, he is still with you and know you also have us all on Suicide Forum supporting you as best as we can please do not hurt yourself and stick around and talk to us ***hugs*** :hug:
    You are not a Ugly being you know beauty is noot true love the inner core of out heart filled with emotions is, ask yourself why did you marry him? There are so many great things about relationships and why people get married it was not a decision by look but loving each other until death do you part, you still love him stay with him talk to him talk to us please just don't hurt yourself ***hugs***
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2011
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling down right now, but please, don't let your husband's pornography addiction make you feel bad about yourself. He still loves you. I can almost guarantee that. Pornography is a 'guy' thing. We need it and we're entertained by it, but we also know that the actresses in them are being paid to do their jobs. I like a little pornography too. Nothing can replace a loving wife though. :hug:
  4. S1l3nc3r

    S1l3nc3r Well-Known Member

    Hi. Silentwords.

    I can relate to some of what you have said in your post where I am in my life at the moment in my life I gave very low self esteem etc.
    If I can I will try and point out a couple of things from a mans point of view to try and hopfully see the "other side" of what you are saying.

    You say u feel tainted as he has seen a million other bodys better than yours.
    When I was with my ex partner I used to watch pornography. Ive seen so much now that it bores me. I'm not sure why I used to enjoy watching it. It was far more enjoyable to have a person phisicly there with you as you can also share the closeness that it brings.
    But not once did I compare any of the women in the films to my ex or was I ever bored by her. You have no need to feel threatened by the women in the films it just doesn't come close to comparing trust me.

    Try not to loose sight of the fact you are the one he comes home to And chooses to spend his time with. You have far more to give than you are giving yourself credit for.
    I wish I could find a nice loving woman who would say I was her true happyness and what she lived for.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    the fact that your husband has looked at pornography does not mean that he is unattracted to you.

    you might want to go to therapy about this

    maybe your husband can reassure you that he finds you attractive
  6. SilentWords

    SilentWords New Member

    First off, I can't say how many tears are stained on my cheek right now. Not even in a day, and I got SO much support from you guys. Simply amazing.

    @ Perfect_Angel ...

    It's SO nice and such a warm feeling to know I have everyone here on this forum. I guess since everyone's in the same shoes almost, and can relate to one another, we feel more like a family eh <3


    I wish I could beleive strongly in that, how nothing can replace a loving wife. My husband DOES mean the world to me and just seeing him smiling and laughing brings me SOOO much joy I can't explain. It kinda makes me feel "life's worth it if I can see THIS moment, to see MY husband so happy"

    But, honestly, if pornography is just a "guy thing" ... why DO IT? Why hurt a woman? If watching porn makes you "guys" happy... then that means ur ONE wife can't COMPLETELY satisfy you that you need to resort to other women, who in this case WILL always be better as they ALWAYS have larger breast, buttocks, long thick hair and that sexy look on their face!!! it's disgusting.

    " He still loves you." ... you say. Man oh man....just brings tears Dave_n. You have no idea....I really really wish I could believe that

    @ S1l3nc3r ...

    it is true. He does choose to come home to me. and HE decides to sleep with ME. But...I would say he just doesn't have another choice. If another women came to him...offered him EVERYTHING...a home, money, place to stay...and she just says marry me and come to me....he'd go. Coz I'm just so damn SmalLLLLLLL :(

    " I wish I could find a nice loving woman who would say I was her true happyness and what she lived for." ... I wish my husband could hear that. And maybe then he'd appreciate it and open his eyes to see how im just dying.

    @ may71 ...

    Maybe I should see a therapist eh?


    I know I may sound overwhelming and just a pessimistic person, but you have no idea how much it hurts....

    just kills.....

    I wish my husband can see me. :( :( :( :(
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    yeah, I think that there are some wives who have husbands who watch porno who don't feel threatened by it. I think I heard one wife say "it doesn't matter where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home for dinner", which is somewhat crude, but that's one way to look at it.

    on the other hand, his watching porno is upsetting to you, and I think it is reasonable to let him know that you object to it and that it makes you feel undervalued.

    marriage counciling might be a way to deal with it.

    so maybe he could change and not watch porno. or maybe you could change and not feel threatened by it. or maybe he can do a better job of making you feel more reassured. or maybe there is a compromise.

    hope this all works out!
  8. S1l3nc3r

    S1l3nc3r Well-Known Member

    What is it you mean buy your so small.?
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Pornography is just fantasy for us guys hun. We don't realize that we're hurting anyone by watching it, because it's just a couple on a computer screen, but for you, it makes you feel insecure. Save yourself some grief. Don't feel intimidated by the actresses in the pornos. They aren't real women. They had to have numerous plastic surgeries to look the way they do. To us, pornography is a form of art. :hug:
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